Two Become One
by Chessie2319
Summary: This story focuses on Rayna's recent and future choices, as well as, how Deacon deals with what his future holds. Will Rayna and Deacon find their way back to each other despite the trials they face?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

There was no denying the beauty of Nashville in the early morning hours. The sun seemed to cast a glow in the morning sky, in direct contrast to the cloud hovering over her. Rayna stared out of one of the windows in her very large, but also very empty house. That emptiness spoke volumes to the void she so strongly felt in her heart. Walking away from the window, Rayna poured herself a cup of black coffee and sat down to read the morning paper, but like every other moment she found herself alone, she began reflecting on the happenings of the last several days.

Her mind took her back to the night before the wedding when she had showed up on Deacon's doorstep, after calling off the wedding and ending things with Luke. It hadn't been easy, but she knew without a doubt it was the right thing to do. She just couldn't do to him what she had to Teddy for 14 years. Rayna felt like a bundle of nerves and excitement as she knocked on Deacon's door. Deacon opened the door with a hint of surprise and a brief flicker of hope, before something different, unrecognizable clouded his eyes. Eyes that were once filled with so much passion and emotion were now empty, a mask instead of a window into the songwriter's soul. Rayna's heart constricted with the knowledge that she was responsible for a vast portion of that change.

They stood still, staring at each other, neither moving from their spot on the porch. Rayna finally broke the silence and asked to come in. Without a word, Deacon turned away from her and walked into the house, leaving her to enter on her own. Deacon stopped midway into the living room and turned to face her, his expression blank, exhaustion evident in the telltale circles under his eyes and slump of his shoulders. This was the look of a defeated man. There was no mistaking that the last several months had taken their toll on Deacon. Rayna stood motionless as she thought about how much she and this man had been through, this man who she now realizes is the one and only man she is really ever going to love. It had certainly taken her a long time to finally come to peace with that truth and to accept that no matter what had happened in the past, the two of them were bound in a way that no one else could ever truly understand. What once seemed almost suffocating in its intensity and because of her own fear, now felt like a lifeline. Theirs was the love of a lifetime.

Things had somehow shifted in the months since Rayna had accepted Luke's proposal and essentially walked away from any chance of a future with Deacon. She couldn't say for sure when her feelings started to shift, but somewhere between agreeing to become half of the King and Queen of Country and an over the top rehearsal dinner for an extravagant wedding that would have been the media event of the year in Nashville, Rayna James realized that she didn't know who she was anymore. She didn't recognize the woman looking back at her in the mirror. She had allowed herself to get sucked into the media frenzy that the world had dubbed, RUKE. She had become the sellout that she had spent her entire career intent on avoiding and criticizing others in the business for falling victim to.

As she had sat at her vanity staring into the eyes of a stranger, she thought back to the last time she felt like a whole version of herself. It wasn't with Luke or Teddy, or even her beautiful girls. Instead, her thoughts focused on the one person who had always grounded her, who always fed her artistic appetite, who had always managed to make her feel that what she had to say, whether in the form of music or in a screaming match over something that would seem trivial later, DEACON.

That realization is what brought her to Deacon's door. As she stood in front of him trying to gather the courage to verbally own up to the mistakes she had made, Deacon stood rooted to his spot on the floor. He was staring straight at her, but at the same time, looking through her, causing the confidence Rayna had when she had walked through his door, to falter. Through tired and sorrowful eyes, Deacon asked, "What are you doing here, Ray? Shouldn't you be rehearsing, or whatever it is you're supposed to do the night before a wedding?"

Rayna debated within herself whether she should begin with how things had begun to change for her in the previous months or whether she should just take the plunge and say what she had come to say. Taking her cues from the impatient look on his face, the latter won. "There isn't going to be a wedding. I ended it with Luke, the wedding and the relationship." Rayna saw a short lived flicker of hope cross Deacon's face, but as quickly as it had surfaced, it disappeared, replaced by a distant expression Rayna had never seen before in Deacon. Willing herself to continue, Rayna said, "I just couldn't go through with it. Luke is a good man, but the truth is my heart was never really in it. I tried so hard to make it work but I inevitably failed. I could stand here and tell you, tell myself, that it was because of all the media frenzy or because the girls weren't happy with the idea of me marrying him. But while those things were factors, the truth is…" Rayna paused and collected herself, trying desperately not to release the tears that threatened. "I couldn't marry Luke or any other man for that matter, because I still and will always love you, Deacon!"

Deacon let out the breath he had been holding. If only she had shown up on his doorstep two days ago, before everything had changed. God, the irony! The woman he had loved with every fiber of his being for the better part of his life had just said what he had been longing to hear since the night at The Bluebird when she didn't show up to hear the love letter of a song he had written for her. Instead, she had chosen Wheeler. It still stung every time the memory surfaced, but if he was honest with himself, he understood her fear of taking another chance on him. He knew that he, Rayna and his sweet Maddie wouldn't survive things falling apart for them again. But now, here she was telling him she still loves him, and he has no choice but to deny himself the love of his life, permanently this time. There was no way he was going to put her though what was sure to be an inevitably painful and horrible road to the end. Two days ago he had given in to Scarlett and gone to the doctor. He had been fatigued constantly and so weak for the last few weeks, and Scarlett had finally nagged him enough to see a doctor, so he went, if only in his mind to shut her up. But what he hadn't expected was to find out that not only had his alcoholism cost him a life with Rayna and years with his daughter, but it was officially going to kill him as well. He had listened, completely stunned, as the doctors told him his diagnosis was cirrhosis of the liver. His liver was giving out and because of the damage that had already been done, his only real chance for survival was a transplant. Deacon watched as tears fell from Scarlett's eyes and she grasped his hand, but he said nothing, trying desperately to wrap his brain around the fact that he wasn't going to watch Maddie grow up. Her future, nor Rayna's, was going to include him.

Shaking his head, he brought himself back to the present. As Rayna stood in front of him, soul laid bare, he did the only thing he could. Deacon took a step back from her, needing to put more distance between them in order to maintain his resolve, and said the words that he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life, regardless of how short it was, "It's too late, Rayna! I can't do this with you again. Too much has happened for us to ever be able to move forward. We're done!"

"But…..," interrupted Rayna.

Deacon watched as the tears she had been holding back started to lose the battle and fall onto her cheeks. He hated to see any woman cry, but Rayna's tears brought a special type of devastation with them. Wanting so badly to comfort her, he started to take a step towards her, but caught himself before he reached for her. Holding Rayna was something he was never going to do again!

"Rayna, we just keep going around in circles. I've finally realized everyone was right. We ARE toxic to each other."

"But that's just not true, Deacon! We're a part of each other. We belong with each other. You said it yourself. You, me, Maddie, and Daphne, we're a family!" There was a desperation in Rayna's voice that hadn't been there before. She felt him slipping away from her, felt their chance at a future together becoming less and less tangible. Deacon had never told her he didn't want to be with her before, that they were toxic together. He had always been the one defending their love when their critics threw their ugly words into the universe. But the look on his face spoke volumes. His face and his eyes were void of any emotion. That look of love that had always been reserved especially for her was gone.

Deacon watched as she processed his words and saw the panic she was feeling start to creep into her features. He knew at that moment the only way to convince her that what he was saying was true, that he was done with her and them, was to truly hurt her. He had no choice! He would do anything he had to if it meant sparing her at least some of the pain the people he loved were going to endure.

"Just stop it, Rayna! You come in here once again expecting me to forget all the shit that has happened, to forget that once again you walked away and chose someone else. I waited 14 years for you, Rayna! 14 years! I laid my heart out for you, only to have you crush it again. How many times am I supposed to just roll over and pretend you haven't broken my heart, my trust? My God, Rayna, we made love that day and you told me you would be at The Bluebird to sing with me and then you didn't show. You left me standing there completely ALONE! Why the hell would you sleep with me if you knew you were going to choose him? Was it your way of giving me something to remember you by? Was it pity? You broke me, Rayna! You made me feel like nothing! Once again, I was left in the wake of the great Rayna James, barely keeping my head above water. It would have been so easy to go down that rabbit hole again, but I didn't, and this time it was in spite of, not because of you. I can't keep putting myself in that position anymore. I will never be good enough for you. You will always be waiting for me to fail. I'm done, Rayna. From here on out, our relationship will be raising our daughter together, but that's where it ends."

As he finished, he walked straight past Rayna to the door and opened it for her, giving her no opportunity to explain or defend herself. He needed her to leave, before his resolve broke and he begged for her forgiveness for the words that had so easily fallen from his month. The tears were flowing freely from Rayna's eyes now. She turned towards him and for the first time in Deacon's life, he saw a broken Rayna James. She looked lost as she forced her feet to move towards the door. He refused to meet her eyes when she passed him. That's when she knew—Deacon Claybourne was hiding something. She had no idea what it was, but somehow, it gave her a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Deacon wasn't completely lost to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: **I probably should have mentioned this before the first chapter, but this is my first attempt at writhing **Fanfic**, so reviews are extremely welcomed. I appreciate your opinions. Thanks for reading!

**Chapter 2**

Watching Rayna walk out the door nearly killed Deacon. He couldn't remember a time when he had felt so completely hopeless. There was no solace for him to find, even while cradling his most trusted and loyal companion in his arms in an attempt to release some of what he was working so hard to conceal. Even his guitar held no comfort today. As he strummed the Martin, the door opened. For a moment he thought (hoped) that Rayna had come back, but it was Scarlet who walked through the door.

"I saw Rayna leaving. Did you tell her?" Scarlet asked. She looked over at her uncle who was more of a father to her than her own had ever been, and she couldn't imagine her life without him. He had given her so much strength and support, especially during the last year when she had felt like the world had been closing in on her. He was her rock, and truth be told, she knew he was the same for Rayna. Sure things had been rocky at best for him and Rayna, especially as of late, but she had never seen two people more connected than the two of them. It was something that was truly unexplainable, something that she had certainly never experienced before, not with Avery and not even with Gunner. She knew that the musical connection she and Gunner shared was something special but her uncle and Rayna were bound on so many different levels that at times they appeared to be more of an extension of each other, rather than separate individuals. Scarlet knew firsthand what it had done to Deacon when Rayna had chosen to accept Luke's proposal. He had been merely a shell, going through the motions, but recently he had started to come out of it. She knew he still loved Rayna as much as ever, but at least he had begun to rediscover some amount of happiness through music, and of course, Maddie. And God, how it broke her heart knowing that he and Maddie were going to have to face the uncertainty of Deacon's future. They had come so far since finding out about one another and had developed such a remarkable bond. They were the best part of each other. It had been such an emotional journey for both of them, but they had come through it stronger than ever, and now this happened. Life just wasn't fair!

Lost in her thoughts, Scarlet almost didn't hear Deacon when he said, "No, no I didn't."

Scarlet knew how hard this had to be for him, but this was something that Rayna needed to know, something that like it or not, his daughter needed to know. "Why not, Deacon? This isn't something that should be kept a secret. Maddie and Rayna should know what is going on with you. It isn't right to not tell them."

"That's for me to decide, Scarlet. I know you don't think it's the right thing to do, but I just can't. I can't put them through it. It's my fault. I did this. Me, not Rayna, and definitely not Maddie. It was my addictions, my weaknesses that put me in this position. I nearly broke Rayna all those years ago when I couldn't get my drinking under control. I can't, I won't put her through that again."

Scarlet saw the conviction on his face. Once again she was floored at how much her uncle was willing to sacrifice for Rayna James. He would rather risk dying alone than allow her to suffer for a moment longer than was absolutely necessary if there was a way for him to prevent it. If the situation had been different, she may have even thought it to be romantic in a tragic sort of way, but there was no way she was going to let him fight this battle alone. And she knew with her uncle, tough love would be the only way to get through to him.

"I understand you don't want to hurt them, Deacon, but this isn't something you can just pretend isn't happening. You are going to get sick! Maybe very sick! What are you going to tell them then? I know there is still a lot we don't know about it yet, but the doctor did say a transplant could be an option. How are you going to explain that?"

Watching the resolve on his face falter just a bit, she aimed below the belt. "Don't you think Maddie has been lied to enough? Rayna and Teddy chose to not to tell her about her paternity. How do you think she is going to handle finding out you, her real father, has chosen to dictate her life too? Do you really think that's fair to her? She loves you, Deacon! She needs you! You cannot rob her of the time she has left with you, if God forbid, you don't get better."

Scarlet thought for a minute that Deacon was going to confront her and tell her to mind her own business, but instead his shoulders slumped forward and with elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, he cried. It was the most heart wrenching thing she had ever seen. He was always so proud and strong. Witnessing this body visibly shaking and listening to the sobs that erupted from him was almost too much to handle. All she could do was put her arms around him and hold on as tightly as she possibly could, willing God to help her uncle fight this battle and to pull him out on the other side in one piece. So she cried with him, crying for what was and what could have been and what may never be. She couldn't be sure how long they sat like that but by the time their tears had run dry, the sun was starting to rise on the city of Nashville.


	3. Chapter 3

**NOTE: **Please continue to review. I have a general idea where I'm going with this story, but certainly enjoy reading your opinions. Once again, thanks for reading.

**Chapter 3**

She knew she probably shouldn't be interfering like this and Deacon was surely going to give her all kinds of hell for it, but Scarlet had to do something. Deacon hadn't been out of the house in a week. He had stopped writing and hadn't even touched his guitar in three days. Maddie had called several times wanting to see him, but he made up excuse after excuse. He had already chosen not to fight, and that was something Scarlet had refused to accept. The truth is she knew that the only way he would truly fight is if he had Rayna and the girls to fight for. So here she was at 10:00 on a Saturday morning standing on Rayna's doorstep.

Rayna sat at the piano absently playing a melody that had been in her head since yesterday. She hadn't gotten far with it yet, but she just couldn't get it out of her head. Times like these made the distance between her and Deacon seem even further. When she struggled with part of a song, Deacon seemed to always know exactly what the song needed, what she needed. She silently chastised herself for allowing her thoughts to go back to him again. It seemed she couldn't do anything the past week that didn't make her heart hurt from the void his absence and rejection had created. Everything reminded her of him. Just last night she sat in the middle of her closet surrounded on the floor by their old records, love notes they had exchanged many years ago, and so many reminders of the love they had so carelessly discarded. She knew she had hurt him when she didn't show up at The Bluebird, especially after spending the afternoon in his bed. It had felt so natural, so completely right to not deny her feelings for him at that moment. When his lips had grazed across her wrist, all her resistance went straight out the window. She couldn't have denied him of anything when he touched her like that. So when his lips found hers, she clung to him like a drowning man would a life preserver. He had led her to his bedroom, discarding articles of clothing along the way. As he lay her down and slowly entered her, never breaking eye contact, she felt like she had finally come home again.

But the confidence she had felt within those four walls quickly disappeared once she was in the real world again. The fear that had so often plagued her thoughts of Deacon came back in full force. Tandy had unknowingly reinforced those fears when she reminded Rayna how much her decision would affect everyone around her, how they would all have to live with what Rayna decided. That's when Rayna did the unforgivable and decided to leave the man she had loved most of her life alone on a stage waiting for her as she gave her promise of a future to her second choice, because no matter the circumstance, Deacon would always be her first choice. If she was honest with herself, she really couldn't blame Deacon for turning her away. She had lied to him, told him that she was choosing a life with him, but instead she had walked away, leaving him to suffer the disappointment and embarrassment of waiting for a woman that would never show. And to make matters worse, she had all but shut him out of her life completely since then. When she had seen him, she had been distant and almost cold. It was too hard. She was terrified if she let her guard down, just for a second, he and everyone would see right through her. From the outside, she was sure it looked as if she had no remorse, or at least little to no emotion in regards to him. No, she didn't blame him at all. She deserved every hurtful, derogatory remark that was thrown her way. Hell, she would never forgive herself, so how could she for even a second expect him to forgive her? The doorbell ringing startled her back to reality.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE: **Thank you for reviewing & reading! Think the angst that is going to come with this storyline is going to give me an ulcer!

**Chapter 4**

Rayna debated on whether or not to just pretend she wasn't home, when the doorbell rang again, followed by a knock. She definitely wasn't in the mood to chat, but it became increasingly obvious that whoever was at her door wasn't going to give up. Rayna moved away from the piano bench she had been sitting on and reluctantly walked towards the door. But of course, she felt that flutter in her stomach that she had every time that week when someone was at the door or the phone rang. She said a silent prayer each time that it was Deacon and he had changed his mind about giving them another chance. But each time she had been disappointed. This time would be no different.

Rayna opened the door, only to find Scarlett looking back at her. There was something in Scarlett's features that made Rayna uncomfortable. She looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was paler than usual, her face puffy and her eyes swollen and bloodshot. Rayna couldn't decide if she had been crying or if she was just exhausted. Something in the way Scarlet lifted her chin and squared her shoulders when she met Rayna's eyes, caused the hair on the back of Rayna's neck to stand at attention. Whatever was going on with Scarlett, it was clear that she was on a mission.

"Hey Scarlett. This is a surprise…Come on in." Rayna glued on the most convincing smile she could manage as Scarlett stepped through the door.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," was all Scarlett could get out. Boy, this was going to be harder than she thought.

Rayna led Scarlett into the kitchen with the intention of getting them both a glass of tea.

"No, of course not! It's nice to see you again. The girls are at Teddy's, so I've been rattling around the house by myself. I'm glad to have a little company. How have you been?" Rayna questioned.

"I've been okay. Started writing a bit. Just trying to get my feet wet. Still not sure what direction I want to take with my music, but I'm working on figuring it out." Any other time, she would have jumped at the opportunity to ask for Rayna's insight, but that wasn't why she was here today. She just didn't know how to approach the subject of Deacon. She knew she couldn't directly tell Rayna about Deacon's diagnosis. It wasn't her place, but she also didn't want Rayna to give up on her uncle. He was going to need her!

Sighing, Scarlett took a deep breath and thought, "Here goes nothing!"

"Actually Rayna, I came here because I did want to talk to you about something." She paused and continued, "I wanted to talk about Uncle Deacon."

The shock Rayna felt must have registered on her face because Scarlett quickly continued, "I know this is none of my business, but I just love him so much and hate seeing him so unhappy."

Rayna interrupted, "Scarlett, I really don't know what to tell you. And by the way, you're right…this is none of your business, but I know you love Deacon and wouldn't be here if you weren't genuinely concerned." She was pretty sure Deacon had no idea his niece had come to see her.

"Do you still love him, Rayna?" Scarlett interjected, with a sense of urgency.

Rayna looked for a moment like she wasn't going to answer the question, but the truth was, she wanted to talk about it. She was tired of feeling so alone, so she simply said, "Yes!"

Upon hearing that one word answer, a new twinkle came into Scarlett's eyes. "He told me you came to see him. May I ask what happened? He didn't say much."

Visibly uncomfortable with the question, Rayna shuddered at the reminder, but she decided to just lay it out there and be completely honest. "After I ended things with Luke, I went to Deacon's. I told him I was sorry for the way I had handled everything and that I still love him." Rayna lowered her eyes to the floor as tears threatened, "But I was too late. He said he couldn't take another chance on us, that I had hurt him too much. He said he was done with me," Rayna shrugged.

Scarlett could plainly see how hurt Rayna was, but she had no choice but to ask, "Was it different this time? Were you really going to commit to a future with him? I mean…really commit? Not just, let's date and see where it goes?" She felt terrible questioning Rayna's intentions, but she couldn't put Deacon in a position for him to get hurt again, especially now.

She was taken back by Scarlett's bluntness, but figured she might as well finish the conversation with as much honestly as she had started. "Because I love him. That's it! I can't tell you the exact moment it happened but I finally realized that there's never going to be anyone else for me. There's no point in trying to deny it anymore. I will never not want him. The two of us and the girls are a family. We are supposed to be together." Rayna was literally shaking by the time she had finished. All of the strength had left her body. She sat in one of the chairs in the kitchen, completely defeated.

The conviction in Rayna's voice and the honesty of her answer was all Scarlett needed in order to know she was doing the right thing. So she walked over to where Rayna was sitting and knelt down in front of her. She placed her hand over Rayna's. When Rayna felt the warmth of Scarlet's hand on hers, she raised her eyes from the floor. With confidence, Scarlett looked Rayna straight in the eye and said, "You aren't going to understand this and I can't go into details, but I need you to trust me, Rayna." She paused before continuing, "If you love him and are truly committed to being with him, for better and for WORSE, then you have to fight for him. Don't let him turn you away! No matter what hurtful things he says, don't leave. Make him understand that you aren't going anywhere! I can't tell you why, but he needs you now more than ever before!" Scarlett and Rayna both just sat there letting everything sink in before Scarlett stood up, hugged a silent Rayna and walked to the door and let herself out.

Rayna was left reeling from the words Scarlet had just spoken. "What the hell was that about?" she thought to herself. Then she remembered Deacon's refusal to meet her eyes when she had left his house a week ago. Maybe she had been right. Maybe he was hiding something. It had to be something pretty significant for Scarlett to feel it necessary to get involved. She didn't have any idea what it was, but she was damn sure going to find out. This time she was going to fight for her family. Pride and everything else be damned!


	5. Chapter 5

**NOTE: **Thank you for your reviews. They are greatly appreciated. And once again, thanks for reading.

**Chapter 5**

Rayna had spent the last few days reflecting on the visit from Scarlett. She knew she needed to talk to Deacon but wanted to carefully consider what she was going to say to him, how she was going to handle the situation. Deacon wasn't the type of person you confronted with gun's blazing, at least not if you expected to have a productive conversation. Of course, neither was she. But, Rayna was also more convinced than ever that there was something he wasn't telling her. The uneasy feeling she had had since the night at his house had turned into what felt like a lead weight in the pit of her stomach. She knew without a doubt that Deacon still loved her—they would always love each other. That was a fact that was pointless for either of them to try and deny. So the fact that he was keeping something from her sparked fear within her. The only left to do was confront him about it and give him no other choice than to talk to her about whatever it was. Rayna reached for her cell phone.

**#**

In the weeks since he had received his death sentence, he had come to terms with and accepted what his future would be. Deacon had been almost manic in his quest to ensure he had taken care of as much of his personal business as possible before the time came when he wouldn't be able to anymore. He didn't want Scarlett and Maddie having to be saddled with making the decisions as to how his possessions would be divided. So he had been busy labeling everything he could possibly think of for what should be done with it once he was gone. Deacon had also met with his attorney concerning the bigger stuff. His house would be left to Scarlett. He wanted to make sure she would always have a home where she could feel secure and live by her own rules without being dependent on anyone else. His niece was special and deserved so much happiness. He only hoped she would be okay when he wasn't around for them to save each other, which it seemed they had done a lot of lately. He had set aside his favorite banjo and ukulele for Daphne, because her beautiful little spirit was as much his family as her sister. Everything else would go to Maddie, the retirement money he had been putting aside each month since he had gotten sober, various savings accounts, and of course, all of his beloved guitars. At least he would be able to rest knowing his musical legacy would continue on with his daughter.

**#**

The guilt that Deacon felt about the way he had treated Rayna when she had come to him after finally putting an end to that spectacle of a relationship with Wheeler, had all but consumed him in the days that had followed her visit. In fact, at times his guilt was close to swallowing him whole. He knew that much of what he had said to her had a good amount of truth behind it, but he just couldn't feel comfortable with the fact that he had intentionally hurt Rayna, especially when the reason she had come to him was because she had finally come to terms with what he had always known, at least before receiving the news of his bleak future. He and Rayna were end game. There would never be anyone else who would satisfy either one of them emotionally or physically the way that they did for each other. They filled the voids left in each other from years of heartache and discouragement rooted within their families. And Deacon knew people thought it was pathetic/sad how he had waited for Rayna all those years, but they didn't know her like he did. She didn't come to things the same way others did. It had been instilled into Rayna from the time she was barely able to walk and talk that the outside world was no place for your emotions. She was conditioned to hold her emotions close to her chest. He had been the only one to break through that barrier, him and music. Deacon figured that's why she had always said he and music were the same. Rayna was scared to really let go and follow her heart with the whole world watching. It wasn't so much that she cared what others thought, it was more that she was proud and afraid to lose control. And that's what happened when she and Deacon were together. They were so passionate and even reckless at times. Their love was electric. The two of them could disappear into a world of their own in a room or stadium full of people. For someone who had come from a world where everything was constantly calculated and controlled and who had lived in that world for another fourteen years married to Teddy, it hadn't been easy for her to find her way back to the world they existed in, a world that was intense and passionate. Deacon had kept the faith for so long that she would find her way back, at least until the night she didn't show at The Bluebird. That's when he had to admit to himself that he really had lost her. It had been a hard pill to swallow, but he had finally started to find some closure, until of course, he found out he was dying and Rayna had shown up on his doorstep. There were moments when the bitterness coursed through his veins like venom. He didn't want to succumb to the hostility he felt every time his body tired out while his mind raced, thinking about the things he was going to miss with Maddie and life he would never have with Rayna. He wanted more than anything to be able to find some peace so that when the time came, he could die with gratitude for the beautiful time he had been able to spend with his daughter, for the music that even during his darkest times had given him a purpose in this life and for the love he had shared for almost a lifetime with the woman who challenged and made him want to be a better man, a better version of himself. It was true he had been faced with many obstacles over the course of his life, some a product of his environment while others were self-inflicted, but he also knew how many blessings he had been given as well. Those blessings were the things he wanted to take with him as he took his last breath. He just prayed he had enough time to figure how to do that. Deep in thought, it startled him when his cell phone lit up. "_Meet me at the bridge. One hour." –Rayna. _He sighed heavily. _"OK"_ he answered. He didn't know what she wanted to talk about, but he never could deny her anything, regardless of what it meant to his sanity.

**#**

This was their bridge. They had spent hours on this bridge over the years they had known each other, discussing anything and everything under the sun. During the years she was married to Teddy, the bridge was Rayna and Deacon's refuge, a place for them to revisit and holdfast to their connection. The walks and talks they had strolling over this bridge were sacred to them both. They had always found a tranquility there that neither of them felt in the outside world. Being in that exact space and time had always felt right where they belonged. But on this day, the pair sensed something different in the air. They sensed the presence of each other before their eyes met.

Rayna watched Deacon as he shifted from one foot to the other. There was definitely something going on with him, but his expression and body language were carefully guarded and gave nothing away. Rayna couldn't believe how quickly her nerves were consuming her. She had never been nervous with Deacon—It was Deacon, for heaven's sake! Rayna decided to break the silence first.

"Hey!" she offered.

"Hey!" he returned. Well, this was going to be like pulling teeth!

So Rayna decided to dive in head first. "Look, I know you said you were done with us, that you didn't want to try again, but Deacon, I just…I just can't, or won't accept that." She paused for a moment before continuing, searching his face for a reaction. "The thing is…I know you love me. If there is one thing that had always been true, it's that you and I have always loved each other, even when it seemed like a curse, and we have always found a way to forgive each other. And dammit, I know I hurt you and was careless with you more so than ever this time, but I love you! I need you, Deacon! More than my next breath it seems like sometimes! And you need me too, Deacon!" If only she knew how much, Deacon thought.

Deacon looked like he was about to interrupt, but she was on a roll. "I want to grow old with you. I want to hold your hand on Christmas mornings and watch our girls and their children, our grandchildren, open presents. I want to write music with you every day for the rest of our lives. I am so sorry…God knows, I am sorry for everything I put you through, sorry for losing faith in us, but…" Rayna was almost desperate by that point. It was killing Deacon to listen to the agony in her voice. "But, Deacon, I need you to forgive me. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I am all in this time. Completely! Scared or not, I am NEVER going to give up on you, or us, again! I love you, babe!"

By that point, Deacon had tears rolling down his face. He was at a loss. He didn't know what to say, it was all too much! His resolve was crumbling around him. He didn't want her to be burdened with his illness, but the strength Deacon had to keep the secret was all but gone. There was no way to keep it from Rayna. She knew him better than anyone else ever had, so Deacon met her eyes with his own and calmly said, "Rayna, I appreciate everything you said. I love you for it…You're right, Ray. I do love you, I've always loved you, but …we can't go back. Not now!" Deacon kept stumbling over his words. How was he supposed to tell her? God, this was the hardest thing he had ever done!

After a deep breath, Deacon continued, "We aren't going to be together, Ray. All of those things you just said about the future are what I always wanted, but…things have changed, Ray. Growing old together and Christmas mornings just aren't in the cards for us." Deacon was having a hard time breathing and had to stop. Rayna, whose eyes were wild by now, practically begged Deacon, "Why, Deacon, why? I don't understand! Please God, tell me what is going on! You aren't telling me something…Dammit Deacon, tell me what the hell is going on!"

Deacon reached out and put his hands on Rayna's shoulders and with tears in his eyes, he told her. "Because Ray, I'm dying. I can't make plans for the future, because I don't have one."

They both just stood there rooted to their spots on that bridge. Rayna was stunned, shocked. Her first reaction was complete denial. "What? That's crazy, Deacon. Ridiculous! You're fine, you look fine…"

Deacon interrupted her, "I'm not fine Ray. My diagnosis has been confirmed by two different specialists, one of which gave me six months and the other maybe 12 months."

"What diagnosis?" she asked.

"Well, looks like you were right all those years ago when you said my drinking was going to kill me. Looks like it is! It's cirrhosis of my liver, so my liver isn't functioning the way it should."

"When did you find out? What does this mean, Deacon? What are the options? There has to be something they can do…This can't be happening, not now! I need you! Maddie needs you!"

Just saying Maddie's name opened the flood gates for Rayna. She stepped forward and put her arms around Deacon's waist and rested her head on his chest, and they clung to each other for dear life. After what seemed like hours, Rayna pulled back just a little and looked up at Deacon. "Is this why you told me that we're over?"

He nodded, "Rayna, no way am I putting this on you or anyone else if I can prevent it. You're already going to have enough to handle with Maddie." Deacon could see Rayna working her lip and knew what she was going to say before she even said it. "No, Rayna! This isn't open for discussion. I did this to myself—it's my fault! And I'll be damned if I'm going to drag anyone else into this! This is my reality. I've accepted it and you're going to have to do the same."

Rayna decided against arguing the point that whether he liked it or not, she and Maddie, and even Daphne, were already involved because they loved him. If, God forbid, he didn't survive this, it would be them who would be left with the broken hearts his absence would create. No, she would leave that discussion for another time.

"Ray, I'm gonna go up to the cabin for a while. I just need…need some time to think and to be alone. Tell Maddie I'll call her soon." At the mention of Maddie, Rayna stiffened. Before she could say anything, Deacon said, "I know I'll have to tell her, Ray, but not yet. I'm just not ready yet."

Rayna agreed it would be better to wait to tell Maddie once she knew more about his prognosis, but she couldn't just let him walk away without saying/doing what she felt. She cradled his face in her hands and when his eyes met hers, she pulled his face towards her and kissed him. She could sense his reluctance at first, but he soon relaxed into the kiss. It was so tender and natural, tears filled her eyes. It felt like home. How she loved this man! She raked her hands through his hair and traced his lips with her tongue, asking for access. He just barely relaxed his mouth, but it was enough for Rayna to slip her tongue between his teeth. Sweet and gentle quickly became hot and sensual. For that brief moment, they lost themselves in each other. Deacon wound his hand into her hair, holding her close. There was no denying their chemistry blazed as hot as ever. But Rayna knew this wasn't the time to push the issue, so she gently pulled back. Poor Deacon looked stunned and so confused, that in different circumstances would have made her laugh. Rayna purposely ran her finger along his jaw as she said, "You go to the cabin if that's what you need to do, but I'll be right here when you come back. I know you need time to process all of this and that's okay, but know this…I love you, babe! And I'm not giving up on you or on us!" With that, she placed one more kiss on his mouth, turned and walked back towards her truck.

Deacon watched her as she walked away. Even with everything that was happening, he had to smile. That woman could bring him to his knees with just a glance…Yes, she was definitely one of those blessings he wanted to keep close to his heart when the time came.


	6. Chapter 6

**NOTE: **This chapter ended up longer than I intended, but I just I couldn't figure out how to break it up. Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated….

**Chapter 6**

Deacon had been at the cabin for a little over a week. He had, as promised, called Maddie several times. Rayna wasn't sure how he had managed it, but he had maintained his normal behavior with Maddie, who didn't suspect anything was wrong. But Rayna knew and it had taken every ounce of strength and willpower she had not to curl into a fetal position and lose herself in the misery that she and Maddie could very well be facing a life without Deacon. The possibility of that reality had nearly crippled her. She and Deacon hadn't spoken since she left him that day on the bridge. She had come home to her daughters and he had gone to the cabin to try and get a handle on how out of control his life had become. They were both struggling to make sense of what was happening, of that, Rayna had no doubt. Rayna missed Deacon every moment of every day, but this time without contact had given her much needed time to really process the situation and to figure out how she felt. She had woken up the night before in a panic, her night clothes saturated with sweat from a dream. It was more of a nightmare actually. It was so vivid! Deacon had been laying in a hospital bed while she, Maddie, Daphne and Scarlett stood around him, each with a hand on him. They were all crying, Maddie uncontrollably, when the line went flat on the monitor. Rayna could distinctly hear herself screaming as the doctor called, "Time of death…" and the nurse turned the monitor off. The world just went away as she watched the life leave the other half of her heart. She woke up completely disoriented and petrified. It was time for her to get herself together and figure all of this out, because Deacon and Maddie needed her.

Rayna spent a lot of time after that dream asking herself how much of this she was ready to go through. It didn't take her long to answer that question. She was ready for all of it. She had let Deacon and Maddie down so many times in the past, but she knew without a doubt that she wasn't going to allow that to happen again. Deacon had always, regardless of their relationship status, been her rock. He steadied her when everything else was spinning on its axis.

In fact, she had spent much of that week reflecting on not only what he meant to her, but also on what she had meant to him. Unfortunately, when Rayna really looked into her behavior over the years, she became more and more ashamed of the person she had been in their relationship. She had put him through so much. The realization had been slow coming to her, but once it did, it hit her like a ton of bricks. By keeping Maddie a secret for all of those years, especially after he had gotten sober, she had repeated the cycle his father had started. But instead of his father, it had been her telling Deacon he wasn't good enough, that as much progress as he made, he would never be able to prove himself to her. Essentially, she was telling him that he didn't deserve her or his daughter. But even while doing this, Rayna had managed to keep him on a short string the entire time she had been married to Teddy, and by doing so, she had made sure he couldn't move on. The truth is, Rayna didn't want him to move on for her own selfish reasons, so she made damn sure she kept him just close enough that he wouldn't. After the accident she put all of the blame on him, conveniently ignoring the fact it was her who had been driving and carelessly not watching the road. Sure he had been drinking and he shouldn't have, but he had been dealt the blow of a lifetime that day. Rayna knew that Deacon had always trusted her to tell him the truth and the realization that she had told him one of the biggest lies imaginable, had taken him completely off guard. He didn't handle it the way she had hoped he would, but the truth is, she couldn't really blame him for it. But she did anyway! Instead of being there for him and giving him the support he needed, she turned her back on him. "My God, what kind of woman am I?" she wondered. She surely wasn't proud of the woman she had become, and Rayna knew she was going to have to work on herself before she could earn his trust again. She needed to truly deserve it. But there was one thing she knew without a doubt, no matter what hand was dealt to them, no matter what happened in the future, she would NEVER let Deacon down again!

While Rayna had been on her own journey to self-awareness the past week, Deacon had been working on his own path. The cabin had been his sanctuary since he had gotten sober, a place to get away from the world when reality became too difficult. If he was honest, there had been many times when he escaped to the cabin because it just hurt too damn much to watch Rayna play house with Teddy. Deacon had always known Rayna had never stopped loving him when she was married to Teddy. Teddy knew it too and sometimes standing on the outside looking in on what he always believed should have been his, became impossible to handle, so that's when he would head out of Nashville and go to the cabin. Rayna was so thoroughly engrained into the walls of the cabin, it had always felt like he was coming home to her when he walked through the front door, the one with the ETERNITY sign above it.

Now as he sat on the porch looking out over the lake, he thought about that day on the bridge. He couldn't deny how good it had felt to be in Rayna's arms. Standing there with her body to body, soul to soul, had been the first breath of hope he had felt since receiving his diagnosis. Rayna had always been the strong one. He knew that without her strength and determination in his darkest days, his name, date of birth and date of death would be engraved on a tombstone in some cemetery in Nashville by now. He was pretty sure she didn't know how much of his life he felt like he owed her. And Deacon had had a lot of time over the past week to contemplate their history and the future. He really didn't want to be bitter about dying, but at times it was impossible not to be. Every time he thought about Maddie, it felt as if his heart was breaking into a million pieces. Like he had told her the night at The Bluebird when Rayna brought her, he just got there, and dammit, he wasn't ready to leave yet. There were already so many firsts he had missed in her life because of the circumstances, and the realization that he wasn't going to be around for many more of her firsts was damn near paralyzing. He wasn't going to be there to take a thousand pictures of her getting ready for prom or to scare her date when warning him what would happen if he wasn't a gentleman. He wouldn't see her graduate high school or sign her first record deal. He wouldn't get to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day, and though grudgingly, he had to admit it was a comfort knowing she would still have Teddy for all of those things, Deacon wanted more than anything to be able to share those milestones in his daughter's life. And he had to admit that knowing he wouldn't be able to watch Daphne grow up and mature into the beautiful, kind and talented woman he knew she would become was almost equally disappointing. Scarlett would be another great regret for him. She was like a daughter to him. He was really the only one she had and he so desperately didn't want to let her down. She was so crazy talented that he knew she was destined for great things, and he didn't want to miss the musical journey she was on.

Then, of course, there was Rayna and their story. He would forever be haunted because he had never taken/had the chance at a real life with Rayna, without secrets or addictions holding them back. This alone was enough to cause the bitterness within him to nearly run over, but as much as he loved and wanted her, he didn't want to put her through what he knew would be his grim demise. He didn't want her to have to take care of him when he could no longer take care of himself. But most of all, Deacon didn't want Rayna to feel like she had to be with him out of a sense of obligation. He loved her too much for that. Deacon wanted her to find happiness and love, even though now it would have to be with someone else.

#

Deacon was putting wood in the fireplace when he heard a car door slam. He didn't even have to look to know who it was—Rayna. He could feel her there before he saw her. She didn't look surprised when she climbed the steps and he was waiting for her on the other side of the door. There was something in her posture that emanated confidence and a twinge of fear. They stood there on either side of the door just staring at each other before she spoke. It was the first time they had spoken or seen each other since he had told Rayna about his diagnosis.

"Hey! How are you?"

"Good…I'm good," he answered as he held the door open for Rayna to enter.

As she walked past him, Rayna felt the electricity between them. There was a tangible pull that was impossible to ignore, so she didn't. Instead of moving forward into the room, Rayna turned towards Deacon and put her arms around his middle. The tension she didn't even realize was there, just fell away. "I've missed you, babe."

His arms went around her and he tucked her head under his chin. This was right where he was supposed to be. No matter the circumstance, Rayna would always be his home. "Aww, Ray, I've missed you too. So much!"

When they broke apart, their hands remained linked as they walked into the cabin. There were so many memories in this place, but what used to be bittersweet for Rayna was today replaced with an overwhelming sense of comfort. That was the defining moment for Rayna, the moment she let go of the past. Being here with Deacon suddenly didn't feel so complicated. She loved him, she always had and there wasn't a doubt in the world she always would. She knew they both had things individually that they needed to work through, but she was completely confidant they would be able to do that. And she just couldn't believe this would be an end for them, that God could bring them so far in their journey only to allow it to end now. No, that she wouldn't accept.

Deacon and Rayna sat in silence drinking the coffee he had made for them. It felt good just to be with each other again, but there were things that needed to be discussed. Rayna studied his features as he focused on his coffee cup, lost in thought. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, she brought her hand up to Deacon's face to cup his cheek. He was still so unbelievably handsome, she swore she felt her heart skip a beat. Every line conveyed part of his story and made him exceptional. When his eyes met her she asked, "How have you been? You feeling ok?"

He let out a breath and shrugged, "Ray, I…" Deacon paused for a moment and started again, "Ray, I've really had a chance to think this week and while I still don't want you burdened with this, I'm not going to lie either. I'm done with lies and secrets. I think we've both had enough to last a lifetime. So…to answer your question, I'm ok. I'm not great, but I'm ok. Don't have much energy but it's not so bad. Could always be worse, I guess." Deacon's mouth curved upwards with a smirk. Rayna had so much she wanted to say to him. Her brain had been on overdrive all week thinking about what the best way was to handle what was coming for each of them and the girls. She and Deacon held each other's gaze as she took his hands in hers. "Thank you for being honest. I've been doing a lot of thinking too. And I've made some decisions as well. Ok?"

Deacon's curiosity was certainly sparked, "What kind of decisions, Ray?"

"Well, first of all, as much as I want us to be together as a couple, I do understand why you don't want to jump back into a romantic relationship. The truth is, with everything going on, we need to focus on your health and on helping our daughter get through this, because she's going to be devastated Deacon. So is Daphne, so we need to take care of them first. And…you know…I think I need to take a minute and work on me. I've realized this week that I've become a person I don't like very much. Especially where you're concerned." Deacon went to interrupt, but Rayna put her hand up to stop him. "Deacon, you've been my champion for as long as I can remember. You've believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. Stood beside me, regardless of the circumstances and how much it must have hurt you at times. You've always taken care of me.—You've consistently been a better friend to me than I have to you. And that's just it Deacon, first and foremost, you and I have always been friends. Hell, we share more history than most who have shared an entire lifetime have, so … my most important job, if you will, is to be there for Maddie, Daphne, and then to support you. I'm not going to leave you in this alone, Deacon, no matter what you say. You aren't going to change my mind, so don't bother trying. You have a lot to live for, to fight for and I'm going to make sure you do that! I want to be with you through this, good and bad. I want to hold your hand at the doctor's office and make sure you know how many people love you. You're an amazing father and Maddie loves you and needs you in her life. So we're all going to fight for you, but babe, you have to fight for yourself, for us, too! Please promise me you won't give up! We aren't going to leave you, so … you can't leave us!"

By this time, the tears were running freely down both Rayna's and Deacon's cheeks. Deacon didn't know what to say, so he stepped forward and gathered her in his arms. They clung to each other, each gaining strength from the other. They both knew the world as they knew it was changing, but there was a comfort in knowing they were facing it together. Trying desperately to get his emotions under control, Deacon pulled back to look at Rayna. "Ok Ray, I promise!" Those few words were all it took for Rayna to lose the rest of her restraint. Just knowing that he wasn't going to give up gave her more hope than she had dared to have since she had found out about his cirrhosis.

Once the tears had slowed, Deacon hesitated but then asked her, "I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to talk about what my options are … Do you want to come?" It was so difficult to ask, but she had said she wanted to go to his appointments and the truth was, he really wanted her there. He wanted to make the best decisions he could and he trusted Rayna to help him do that.

"Of course I want to go, babe! I have so many questions I want to ask your doctor!" Deacon felt a sense of relief wash over him just knowing she would be with him. His doctor, on the other hand, may not feel quite the same way once the great Rayna James was done grilling him! "Besides, it's important we have any and all information possible when we tell Maddie and Daphne … Don't look at me like that, Deacon. You know we have to tell them. It's their lives too. And I learned my lesson about lying to my girls. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

She was right and he knew it. "You're right … we'll tell them the truth after we have more information. I'd like to have at least some kind of plan when they find out, so they know I'm trying to be as proactive as I can." It broke Deacon's heart to imagine pulling their sweet/innocent daughter into this mess. Rayna seemed to read his mind, "We'll find a way to tell Maddie together, just like everything else from this point on. It's not going to be easy, but we're a team, you and I. We'll figure it out!" Sometimes Deacon was just in awe of this woman. She was a force to be reckoned with, that was for sure.

Watching him closely, Rayna asked, "Are you hungry, babe? When was the last time you ate a real meal? That wasn't out of a can?"

His face got a bit flustered before he answered, "I don't know, Ray. It's not like I'm keeping a record of everything I eat."

"Well, you should. You have to eat, and it's important for you to be getting proper nutrition right now. The stronger you are, the better … So, let's get you something relatively healthy," she chuckled.

As Rayna turned to walk back into the kitchen, as an afterthought she stopped and turned to face him. She gave him the once over and said, "Just so you know, Deacon … I know I said I understand you not being ready to get back into a relationship right now with everything going on, but make no mistake, Deacon Claybourne, I am not giving up on us! I have some things to figure out as well … I need to learn who I am separate from anyone else, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. Sometimes it physically hurts how much I love you and I have every intention of marrying you, regardless of the amount of time either one of us has left on this Earth. I've wasted enough time! Lord knows, tomorrow is not promised to any of us. But I will give you the time you need to understand I am never leaving your side again. NEVER! We belong together! I still have our ring and when you're ready, I want you to put it back on my finger. For good, this time. You, me, Maddie and Daphne. Your words, remember?"

"I remember …" was all he could manage.

Seemingly satisfied for now, Rayna continued into the kitchen to make this man who she knew she would love until her last breath and probably even after that, something to eat. And despite the doubt that now lingered over them, she felt more like herself, more free, than she had in the past year. She had to believe God had a plan and that plan couldn't include them all losing Deacon.


	7. Chapter 7

**NOTE: **When writing about Deacon's visit to his doctor, I just couldn't do it without actually knowing the facts about his illness, so please be patient with the info about cirrhosis and liver transplants. I tried to be as accurate as possible. On the bright side, I definitely learned a lot. **Thanks for reading & please review!**

**Chapter 7**

Rayna had hardly slept at all last night. Every time she closed her eyes her mind replayed yesterday at the cabin with Deacon. It had felt like a real breakthrough for them. She knew both of them still had things to work out on their own, but that once tangible wall that had been present for so long had crumbled and was no longer between them. She and Deacon had spent the day and evening talking. It was their easiest and probably the most honest conversation since she had married Teddy. It was different with Deacon for her. No one else knew her like he did, and no one called her out on her bullshit like he did. He forced her to feel the things she would normally put away in that box of hers. That's why he and music were the same to her – both brought the emotions that were locked inside of her to the surface, to a place that made her vulnerable. This, of course, is what made beautiful music and what had also fueled her relationship with Deacon, whether they were romantically involved at the time or not. Rayna always felt exposed with him, and she knew the same thing was true for Deacon. She had always been the only one Deacon would truly open himself up to. Their souls were the same, which at times nearly destroyed them, but ultimately it was what made it impossible for them to ever really walk away from each other.

Today she would go with Deacon for his doctor's appointment. It had meant so much to her when he asked her to go with him. It had to be a step in the right direction for them. She knew it had been hard for him. Deacon had never been one to ask for help with anything, and she knew by asking her to go with him, he was admitting he needed her. The truth was, Rayna couldn't even imagine what was going through his head, knowing there was a real possibility he wouldn't be around to watch Maddie grow up. The two of them had developed such a bond since they had found out the truth about her paternity. Actually, Deacon and Maddie had adjusted to and flourished in the roles of father and daughter much more easily than everyone else. Those were the roles they were meant to play. Rayna had so many regrets about not telling them about each other sooner, but now those regrets had multiplied by a thousand. What if this really was all the time they got together? It would be her fault! How in the hell would she ever be able to live with herself? Rayna knew she had to let that go for the time being – she would have to deal with that later. She was meeting Deacon and Scarlett at the doctor's office in less than an hour.

#

Deacon had been up for hours. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but his nerves were in overdrive. He had an appointment with his doctor that may very well determine his fate. They would discuss his prognosis, and more importantly, discuss the options that would be best for him. He had assumed his options would depend on how advanced his cirrhosis was. He had already been to the hospital a few days ago to do the tests his doctor had previously ordered, so the results of those would give them an idea of what they were facing. He was anxious to get it over with, but he was also petrified of what those results would reveal. He was grateful Rayna and Scarlett would be with him. As difficult as it had been for him to admit, he couldn't do this alone. He knew he needed to fight until his last breath, and Scarlett and Rayna would make sure that was exactly what he did. He certainly didn't want to be on the receiving end of the wrath of either one of them. Rayna was the strongest woman he had ever known, and Scarlett was downright relentless when she set her mind to something. No, those two certainly wouldn't let him give up.

#

When Deacon and Scarlett pulled into the parking lot of the doctor's office, Rayna was already there waiting for them. Rayna got out of her SUV and walked over to Scarlett and Deacon. Rayna leaned up and hugged Deacon, kissing him on the cheek.

"Hey Ray," he said.

"Hey Babe. You doing alright?" Rayna asked.

Deacon let out a chuckle and said, "Well, guess I'm as good as I could be considering what we are here for!"

Rayna and Scarlett exchanged looks and when Scarlett reached out to hug Rayna, she whispered in her ear, "I'm so glad you're here with him. You're giving him something to fight for." Rayna smiled at Scarlett and linked her arm through Deacon's as they made their way inside.

Deacon watched both his niece and Rayna as they sat in the waiting room. Rayna was looking at a magazine, her leg bouncing up and down with nervous energy. But what was the kicker was the fact that the magazine she held was upside down. And poor Scarlett didn't even try to pretend to be occupying herself. She just stared straight ahead like a deer in headlights rocking back and forth. He could only imagine what the three of them must look like to the other patients waiting. With that the nurse called his name. When they realized it had been him who had called, the three of them looked at each other, each releasing the breath they had been holding.

They were led into a room with all the comforts of home. There was a large plush chair, which was where Scarlett sat, and an overstuffed couch where he and Rayna sat. There was an examination table in the room as well, but it was conveniently located towards the back of the room so that it wasn't much of a distraction from the room's inviting ambiance.

The nurse was an older woman with an apple pie type of smile, one that just made you feel at ease and welcomed. "Mr. Claybourne, it's so very nice to meet you. I've been a fan of both yours and Ms. Jaymes for as long as I can remember," she said, offering that same welcoming smile to Rayna and Scarlett. "My name is Nora and I will be here at all times to answer any questions you or your family may have, so don't you hesitate to call anytime you need to. This can be a tough experience for both you and your family, and my job is to take as much worry off your shoulders as possible. That goes for the two of you as well. I am here for all of you!" Nora said looking at Rayna and Scarlett.

Deacon was taken aback by how straight forward the nurse had been, but he didn't forget the manners his momma had raised him to have. "Thank you, Nora. It's very nice to meet you. My family and I …" He paused to look at Rayna and then continued, "appreciate you offering your time. I'm sure we'll have plenty of questions."

Nora smiled at him and said, "Ok, well, before Dr. Marsh comes in to talk to you, I'm going to check your blood pressure and temperature, and then get a little blood from you. Ok, Mr. Claybourne?"

"Ok," was all Deacon could manage. He hated needles more than Luke Wheeler's beer and truck songs, but he sat up and decided to take it like a man. Well, he was going to try anyway. Of course, Rayna remembered his dislike of needles and moved over next to him, just close enough that she could take his hand in hers and offer her support the only way she knew how at that moment. It was amazing what just the touch of her hand could do to him. He could literally feel the strength from her body flow into his. Fortunately, Nurse Nora was very efficient and had finished her task quickly. But even after Nurse Nora had exited the room with the promise the doctor would be in shortly, Rayna held Deacon's hand in hers. What Deacon didn't realize, was that she was gaining as much comfort from him as he was from her.

The three of them didn't have to wait long before the door opened, and a tall man with dark hair and friendly demeanor walked in. As Deacon stood, Dr. Marsh shook his hand. "It's good to see you again, Deacon. How are you feeling?"

"Ok, I guess, thanks." Deacon motioned towards Rayna and then Scarlett, "This is my … Rayna Jaymes and my niece, Scarlett."

Dr. Marsh shook both of their hands, "It's lovely to meet you ladies." He looked at Deacon and continued, "I'm so glad you're here to support Deacon. I know he doesn't like to admit it, but he needs to have a support system in his corner." Rayna thought to herself that Dr. Marsh certainly had Deacon's number. It would have been humorous in a different situation.

The doctor walked over to his desk and picked up Deacon's file. He then started over Deacon, Rayna and Scarlett. Sitting across from them, his look turned serious. "I know you all have a lot of questions about Deacon's prognosis. My goal today is to answer all of your questions and hopefully some you didn't even know you had. We want to weigh all of the options and figure out what's best for Deacon and his loved ones. Sound like a plan?"

Unconsciously, Deacon tightened his grip on Rayna's hand before answering, "Yeah, Doc, I want to know what my options are … but, I don't want you to sugar coat it. Tell me the truth. I want the facts, no matter if it's what I want to hear or not." Deacon didn't want to hurt Rayna or Scarlett, but he didn't want to give himself or them false hope either. The best thing for all of them was to be as realistic as possible. He wanted to know how much time he had left so he would be able to help prepare the people he loved for the inevitable, whatever that may be.

Dr. Marsh nodded. "Ok, before we start, Deacon, I want to be sure you are completely comfortable with all of your medical information being discussed in front of Ms. Jaymes and your niece. Are you?"

Deacon ran his hand over his face before answering, "Yeah, I'm ok with it. They need the truth too." Rayna didn't know if she felt relieved or even more frightened, because regardless of the circumstance, he had always tried to protect her, and now that he wasn't, it felt like there wasn't much hope. But Rayna wasn't ready to even consider the possibility that he wouldn't be able to fight the disease. She couldn't accept anything less.

Deacon, Rayna and Scarlett all watched Dr. Marsh as he began. "Alright, well, cirrhosis is outlined in four stages. The first stage is characterized by the presence of inflammation and we may see some destruction of liver tissue, as well as, the possibility of the growth of abnormal connective tissue. Both of which are confined to the portal part of the liver which is where blood and fluid flow into and out of the liver. And as we discussed, Deacon, we have already established the presence of inflammation." Rayna and Scarlett made eye contact, each acknowledging that this had maybe progressed further than either of them knew.

Dr. Marsh continued with his explanation. "The second stage is characterized by not only inflammation, but also the beginning of fibrosis, which is the replacement of normal liver tissue with scar tissue. Once the scar tissue forms, it is not reversible. As the disease progresses, the liver becomes increasingly damaged. This is the third stage. In that stage. The fibrosis is called bridging fibrosis, which create abnormal connections between the hepatic artery, veins and other vessels. This causes abnormal blood flow and increased blood pressure in the liver. Blood pressure is increased, which is called hepatic hypertension. This unfortunately causes further damage to the liver. We have seen the presence of hepatic hypertension in you, Deacon, as you already know.

Rayna was so overwhelmed. She couldn't believe Deacon was already considered to be in stage three of cirrhosis. "Why the hell hasn't it been picked up on by now?" When the doctor turned to look at her, she realized she had spoken her thoughts out loud. "Unfortunately, Ms. Jaymes, the first three stages of cirrhosis show very little in the way of symptoms. And the symptoms that do show themselves are easily mistaken for other, less serious, illnesses," Dr. Marsh explained.

The doctor stopped for a few moments, appearing to be conflicted with what he wanted to say next. "Look, Deacon, I'm not going to distort the truth … You are borderline between the end of stage three and stage four, which means you are going to begin experiencing more and more in the way of symptoms. Stage four is when your body really starts to break down." Dr. Marsh didn't miss the single tear that had escaped Scarlett's eye or the muted gasp from Rayna. This was the part of his job he absolutely hated, watching the loved ones of his patients trying to deal with everything thrown at them. Truth be told, there were nights he laid awake wallowing in the guilt he carried with him for delivering such bad news. But, he knew being honest and upfront with everyone involved was ultimately the best thing he could do. So he continued, "Stage four is the most advanced stage of cirrhosis. In this stage, the growth of scar tissue has progressed so much that your liver no longer functions normally, so it can't properly detoxify the body, purify the blood and synthesize a number of vital proteins, blood components and nutrients. There are also a number of possible symptoms associated with this stage. You may have fluid accumulate in your abdomen, which happens because of portal hypertension. It is increased pressure in the blood vessels that lead to the liver and portal vein which causes fluid to seep into the abdomen. Bleeding is another symptom, which could be life threatening. Veins in your other organs, like your stomach and esophagus, enlarge. Because of that, those vessels can easily rupture and bleed. Vomiting blood and black stools can be resulting symptoms."

At the mention of vomiting blood, Deacon subconsciously tightened his hold on her hand and pulled her arm into his chest. Looking at his profile, she saw fear etched into his expression. Rayna struggled to keep her composure but it was all she could do to hold in the tears and sobs that were threatening to escape. This was so completely overwhelming. Poor Scarlett had failed miserably to keep it together. Her tears were falling freely by the time the doctor continued, "I know this is a lot to take in at one time, but I want to get through what can be expected so that we can start thinking about options." He paused and went on, "There may also be neurologic symptoms because the liver can no longer detoxify the body, so harmful chemicals like ammonia build up in the brain, and this can lead to changes in your mental state. Some of the early stages are confusion, having a hard time concentrating and forgetfulness. Some of the more severe symptoms include slurred speech, dramatic personality changes and agitation. Unfortunately, your risk of bacterial infections also increase because of the fluid accumulation. The bacterial infection and portal hypertension can lead to hepatorenal syndrome, which is the result of decreased blood flow to the kidneys. This could lead to kidney failure." Dr. Marsh finished and walked around his desk to sit on it. He watched the three faces in front of him and his heart broke a little. He wondered whether Deacon was aware of how much he was loved, because although Deacon was visibly shaken, the two women with him were beyond devastated. The niece's facial expression was borderline panicked, and Rayna Jaymes looked nothing short of broken. She was clearly in pieces with the bleak picture he had just painted. But in the next moment he recognized the change in her demeanor, going from fearful to determined. She squared her shoulder and straightened her posture. Oh, this was a good thing, he thought. That strength and determination were going to be exactly what Deacon needed. She wouldn't allow him to give up. She would make him fight and from where the doctor sat, Deacon Claybourne had a whole helluva lot to fight for.

The silence was palpable, so when Rayna spoke, it startled the other occupants of the room. "So what now, Doctor? You've given us the what could happen, so where do we go from here? You have to understand that under no circumstance do I accept Deacon dying as an end result! So with that understood, what are his options? How do we make sure Deacon survives this and has the opportunity to live the life he's supposed to?"

Deacon just watched as Rayna took charge. To be honest, he was grateful. He didn't have the strength. He said a silent prayer thanking God for this amazing woman. Through the good and bad parts of their lives, she was his anchor and he was lucky to have loved her and to have been loved by her.

It was obvious to Dr. Marsh that Ms. Jaymes was used to getting what she wanted, and she was looking to him to save Deacon's life. She would demand the best out of them all. This case was certainly going to make him the best doctor he could be … He had no doubt Rayna Jaymes would make sure of it! So he began what he hoped would be the beginning of a successful treatment plan for Deacon. "Well, the immediate treatment is aimed at managing symptoms and preventing any additional complications. To prevent fluid buildup, Deacon will need to follow a low-sodium diet and I will prescribe diuretics and antibiotics. For now, I will put him on beta-blockers to try and prevent bleeding." Turning to face Deacon, he said, "You're also going to have to eat only a very limited amount of protein because protein can cause toxins to build up. We'll also have you on a medicine to help prevent ammonia and other toxins from accumulating in your large intestine. But truthfully speaking, Deacon, your best long term option is a liver transplant."

"Wait, what?" Deacon challenged.

Rayna looked over at Deacon and put the hand he wasn't holding on his knee. "Hear him out, babe. If a liver transplant is what's going to make it possible for you to walk Maddie down the aisle one day, then so be it." She raised her eyebrow at him, anticipating his challenge, but he thought better of it and leaned back into the couch cushions.

Dr. Marsh took that as his cue to continue. "If deemed a good candidate for a transplant, and I think you would be, you would be put on a waiting list. Where you are on that list is dependent on the Model for End-Stage Liver Disease (MELD) score. The scores range from six to forty. The higher the number, the more urgency there is for you to need a liver. Now, there is the chance to expedite a transplant. You could take part in the High Risk Liver Transplantation Program, which means that you would be contacted when a "non-ideal" liver became available. This carries a higher risk of not working well, but may become a viable option for someone in a dire situation. And then there is the option of a living donor. You would receive a piece of liver from a living donor. There are many pros to this option, the primary one being if the organ is from a living donor, most often there is a faster recovery time because the recipient isn't typically as ill when the transplant takes place."

Scarlett chimed in at that time. "How do you become a living donor? Are there some type of tests?"

Deacon stopped her before she could say anything else. "Forget it, Scarlett! No way am I letting you put yourself in danger for me … You either!," he said looking at Rayna.

Dr. Marsh interrupted him. "Deacon, this is something you really need to think about. The risks for a donor are about the same as for the recipient, and a living donor may be the best way to get a liver before suffering too many end-stage symptoms, or before other organs are affected negatively. You would still have the right to refuse a person being your living donor."

Deacon thought about what the doctor had said, but he just felt so conflicted about the idea of someone risking their life for him. "I don't know, Doc, I'm not really comfortable asking someone to take that kind of risk for me … especially considering I did this to myself. I mean, I've already put the people I love through so much because of my alcoholism, I just don't feel right asking them to do this."

Rayna had heard enough. "You know what, Deacon, I understand you feeling the way you do, but you know, it might not just be about you and what you want! There are a lot of people that love you and need you! So maybe you have to put them first, put us first."

Rayna had caught him off guard, so Deacon let it go for the time being. Before he could say anything else, Scarlett asked, "Dr. Marsh, how exactly do we find out if we are a match for Deacon?" Without missing a beat, she looked over at Deacon and said, "Uncle Deacon, I know what you are going to say and to tell you the truth, I don't want to hear it. I am going to be tested and if I'm a match, then I am going to be your donor. I love you and I need you! You are the only man in my entire life that I have ever been able to depend on and that hasn't let me down, and I am not going to lose you if there is anything I can do about it!" Scarlett started to tear up and lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "Please Deacon, please don't make me lose you if I don't have to!"

Deacon's heart shattered into a million pieces. He didn't know what to say. He appreciated what Scarlett wanted to do for him and was so grateful to be loved by her, but the last thing he wanted was to put anyone else's life at risk. Deacon looked to Rayna, hoping she would give him some indication of what the right thing was for him to do, but Rayna's expression was clouded. She wasn't going to make this decision for him, so he tried to be as objective as possible. "Scarlett, I love you too!" He paused to take the young pixie in his arms. "Sweetheart, I truly don't want you to be put in this position." He could tell she was getting ready to argue her point again, "But if you want to see if you're a match, then I won't stop you. If you are a match, then it would be a last resort, after all other options have failed. That is the only way I will agree, ok?"

"Fine, but I want to be tested as soon as possible," she said looking at Dr. Marsh.

"We can certainly take care of that. As a matter of fact, we can do the first step today, which is a blood test. If you or anyone else would like to be evaluated to potentially be Deacon's donor, there are a few things you should know regarding compatibility. First of all, you must have a blood type that is compatible with the recipient or you cannot donate. In Deacon's case, this may prove to be a challenge because he has type "O" blood. That type is great if you are a donor because type "O" donors can give universally. There are four types of blood – type "O", type "A", type "B", and type "AB". It works like this – type "A" can donate to types "A" and "AB"; type "B" can donate to types "B" and "AB"; type "AB" can donate to type "AB", and type "O" can donate to types "A, B, AB and O". Unfortunately, recipients with type "O" can only receive an organ from a donor with type "O" blood. This drastically narrows the donor pool, which is why I strongly suggest you let those that want to be tested do so, Deacon."

The doctor gave them a few minutes to process the information he had given them before continuing. "If your blood type is a match, we then do further testing. We used to do a tissue test but because of the developments in anti-rejection drugs, tissue matching has become less important. The next step would be crossmatching, and this is the testing of antigen compatibility. White blood cells are taken from the potential donor and mixed with the recipient's blood. If the white blood cells are attacked and die, then the crossmatch is "positive". This is actually a negative in relation to donating, because it means the recipient is "sensitized" to you. The recipient has antibodies to your antigens. He would react against the donor cells and essentially, attack the organ. If the crossmatch is "negative", you are compatible with the recipient. From there, your general health would be evaluated, as would the health of your liver. If we find a compatible living donor, then I will walk you through the next steps."

"Well, Doc, you've definitely given me a lot to think about. I really appreciate your time today," Deacon said.

"It's my pleasure, Deacon. We're going to do everything possible to get you through this successfully, so don't lose hope because I certainly haven't, and it looks like you have a pretty fantastic support system … Nurse Nora will give you some additional information about transplants and lifestyle changes including diet, and get your prescriptions for you so that you can get started on the medications. We will also get your name on the transplant list immediately."

"Sounds good, Doc. Thanks." Deacon never in a million years would have thought he would one day be thanking a doctor for putting him on a list to receive a donor organ.

When Nurse Nora came into the room, she had a folder filled with the information Dr. Marsh promised. Before leaving, she looked at Rayna and Scarlett and asked, "If you would like to get your blood drawn to start the donor testing process, please just come with me. It will just take a few minutes. Scarlett and Rayna both started after Nurse Nora, but Deacon grabbed and held onto Rayna's arm as she attempted to walk past him.

"Ray, I need to talk to you! NOW!" Rayna knew exactly what he wanted to talk about, a conversation she had absolutely no interest in having, but she conceded for the time being. Dr. Marsh, Nurse Nora and Scarlett filed out of the room as Deacon turned to face her. "I don't want you to get tested, Ray!"

"Why Deacon? I want to! I don't want to lose you, I don't want Maddie to lose you … especially if there is a possibility I can prevent it."

"Look Ray, I understand why you want to be tested and I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am for your selflessness, but we have to think about the girls, especially Maddie. What if you are a match and the unthinkable happened and we both died? How would Maddie and Daphne ever recover from that? Your daughters need you, Rayna! They already almost lost you once. That isn't a chance we can take again. And Ray, Maddie is going to need you – you heard the doctor, this could very easily not turn out well for me. If I die, you have to be there to take care of Maddie … I NEED you to be there for Maddie! She's the best part of my life, Rayna, and to be the cause of her losing both of us … well, I don't want to die with that, Ray. I have done enough damage in my life, and I feel like I'm finally doing right by her … Please don't make me wrong about that. Please promise me, Ray, that you won't get tested! I need your promise!"

"Alright, fine, I won't get tested," Rayna assured Deacon, knowing full well that it was a promise she was going to have to break. She couldn't even imagine the world without him, so she was going to be tested, come hell or high water. She didn't want to lie to him, especially considering their past indiscretions, but for now, what he didn't know wasn't going to hurt him.

When Scarlett returned, they walked out towards the parking lot, Rayna's hand in Deacon's and his arm around Scarlett. As soon as they reached Rayna's SUV, Scarlett gave her a hug and climbed inside Deacon's truck. Deacon and Rayna just stood there, hands linked, neither wanting to mention the elephant in the room. Rayna decided to rip the band-aid off. "We need to tell the girls, especially Maddie. We have more of an understanding of cirrhosis and have somewhat of a plan now, so it's time to tell her."

His shoulders slumped as he answered her, "I know, Ray … but I'm scared! She's my little girl! How am I supposed to tell her I'm dying? She isn't supposed to have to deal with things like that!" Through the tears, he looked at Rayna and said what would haunt her for the rest of her life. "She would have been better off never knowing I was her father. Then she wouldn't be forced to be in this situation … I never wanted to hurt her, Ray! But … it's all I ever do to the people I love."

"Deacon, you listen to me … Don't you ever say that again! Maddie loves you! You are a wonderful father and I wish every single day that I hadn't been such a coward. I should have told you about her as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I will regret that every moment for the rest of my life. But I can tell you this, Maddie wouldn't trade a single moment she's had with you. She will always love Teddy, but she sees you as her father. You ARE her father, Deacon! And I promise you, this isn't going to be the end for the two of you! You are going to get well!" And the thing was, Rayna meant it. She didn't know how or when, but she just knew that this wasn't an end for them. They had fought for so long to overcome their demons, and to have finally have done so, she couldn't believe that God would take him away from her and Maddie.

Rayna wasn't sure he had any faith in what she had said, but at least he didn't argue with her. Instead, he reached for her, enclosing her in his arms. They stood that way, each relishing the feeling of being so close before Rayna whispered, "Come to dinner tonight. The girls will be home. We can tell them then. Please!"

Deacon knew she was right, that the girls needed to know what was going on with him. He dreaded it more than he ever had anything in his life, but he nodded and said, "Ok Ray, I'll be there."


	8. Chapter 8

**NOTE: **_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I love to hear what you think. _

**Chapter 8**

Rayna had spent the entire afternoon thinking about how she and Deacon would tell the girls about his cirrhosis and needing a liver transplant. But the conclusion she had finally come to was that there was absolutely no good or kind way to tell a young girl that her father may die. She and Deacon hadn't spoken since saying goodbye in the parking lot of his doctor's office. Rayna knew Deacon had struggled with when to tell Maddie, and she understood his reluctance, but regardless if he was willing to admit it or not, he needed Maddie's support. There was nothing quite like the love of a child to motivate a person, and Rayna wanted to make damn sure Deacon stayed motivated.

When Rayna told the girls Deacon was coming for dinner, they could neither one hardly contain their excitement. They had a new song they had been working on that needed Deacon's touch, Daphne had told her. Rayna loved how much both girls looked up to Deacon. They had always respected him, but since finding out he was Maddie's father and seeing the way he had stepped into that role, both girls looked to and treated him as more of a father figure. And one thing that spoke volumes about the man that Deacon had become was the way he always treated Daphne with as much love and kindness as he did Maddie. No one would have known that only one of them was his biologically. Truth be told, that was probably the thing that made her love him the most.

As Rayna cut the vegetables for the salad and the girls set the table, Deacon sat in their driveway trying desperately to get the courage to go inside. He knew that tonight he and Rayna were going to turn the world upside down for Maddie and Daphne. Nothing would ever be the same after tonight. The guilt that weighed on Deacon's heart was almost unbearable, knowing that he caused this. This was his doing. If he hadn't been so weak and consumed with his addictions, they wouldn't be in this situation now. He knew it was pointless to dwell on the things he couldn't change, but times like these, he couldn't help it. Hurting the people he loved … well, there was no greater guilt in the world. With his nerves in complete upheaval, he opened his truck door and slowly made his way to the front door, one foot in front of the other.

When Deacon rang the doorbell, he could hear the girls running through the kitchen to get to the door. Maddie must have gotten there first because she was the one who opened the door. Daphne was close on her heels though. They were both giggling and happy. Just the sight of the two of them did his heart good. He loved those two girls so much, he did even before knowing Maddie was his daughter. But now, Maddie was the brightest part of his life. Being her father gave Deacon a purpose, a reason to want to be a better man. And sweet Daphne was a light in a world of gray. He opened his arms wide for the hugs he knew were coming. "Hey girls! How ya doin?"

"Deacon!," squealed Daphne as she jumped into his waiting arms.

"Dad, I'm so glad you're here. I missed you!" Maddie hugged him too.

"Missed you too sweetheart," he said kissing Maddie on her forehead. "You too Miss Daphne."

Rayna watched Deacon as he greeted the girls. God, he was sexy! She had always thought he was the sexiest man she had ever seen, but watching him in the role of Dad went above and beyond anything she had ever experienced.

When Deacon met Rayna's eyes, he saw something there, something that surprised him considering where they were and that the girls were right there – LUST! The way she was looking at him made his blood run hot. He thought for sure he now knew how women felt when men eyed them like a piece of meat. Although when it was Rayna doing the eying, he had to admit it was a helluva turn on. When she came around the kitchen counter to stand in front of him, he swore he didn't have a coherent thought in his head except for how beautiful she was.

"Hey Babe," Rayna greeted as she stood on her tip toes to hug him. When she kissed him on the cheek, she ran her hands through his hair. He had no idea a kiss on the cheek could be so sensual. Lord help him, staying away from her wasn't going to be easy …

"Hey Ray. Can I help with anything?" Deacon asked.

Maddie and Daphne each grabbed one of his arms and started to pull him towards the living room. "Come play with us, Dad."

"Yeah Deacon, we have a new song we want your help with," Daphne added.

Deacon looked at Rayna for the okay. "Go ahead, go play … I'll finish this up." Watching Deacon with the girls and their little jam session touched Rayna on so many different levels. It reminded her of before the accident, when she and Deacon had just rediscovered each other, before things had become so complicated. Of course, complicated didn't even begin to describe the current state of their lives.

#

Despite the underlying anxiety both Rayna and Deacon felt, dinner was more fun than he had had in ages. The girls were so happy, telling Rayna and Deacon all about their friends and classes at school and about the new music they had been working on. It felt like they were just a normal family having dinner together. Nothing had ever felt so right to Deacon. He was exactly where he was supposed to be. Little did he know that Rayna was thinking exactly the same thing. She had the three most important people in her world sitting around her dining room table engaging in what most would call an ordinary conversation, but to Rayna, it was one of the most extraordinary moments of her life. This was the way it was supposed to be and only strengthened her resolve to do everything possible to make sure they had a long lifetime of dinners like this one.

After the four of them had finished dinner, Rayna and Deacon cleaned up while Maddie and Daphne filled their ears with music. Deacon could feel his nerves rising to the surface. He stopped in the middle of drying a plate and looked over at Rayna. "I don't know if I can do this, Ray. They're so happy. How am I supposed to take that away from them?"

Rayna wiped the single tear that had escaped his eye. "I know this is hard, and it's something that no family should ever have to face, but unfortunately, fair or not, this is our reality right now. Look at me, Deacon … We are a family, and we have to deal with this as a family. Maddie and Daphne are a part of that. They love you, Babe. They have a right to know. Believe me, keeping secrets, no matter how justified you think you are at that moment, never turns out well."

Deacon knew she was right, so when she took his hand and led him into the living room where the girls were, he followed her without question. Deacon sat in the matching chair to the couch Maddie and Daphne were sitting on. Rayna sat on the arm of his chair keeping his hand in hers. When the girls finished with their song, Rayna said, "Girls, Deacon and I have something we want to talk to the two of you about."

Daphne jumped up and squealed, "O.M.G., you're getting married, aren't you? I knew it! I knew it!"

Rayna and Deacon were both caught off guard with Daphne's outburst, but Rayna recovered first. "No sweetie, that's not what this is about." Under her breath, Deacon heard her mumble, "I wish it was …" He gave her a sideways glance and raised an eyebrow at her, to which she just shrugged.

Poor Daphne, Rayna had totally deflated her sails. "Man, I thought for sure that's what it was!" Maddie just shook her head at Daphne and then asked, "What is it then, Mom? Dad?" Maddie was actually starting to worry because her parents seemed so uncomfortable, like whatever it was they had to say was big.

"Well, girls …," Deacon began, looking at Rayna for encouragement, "First of all, I don't want you to worry about this, but your mom and I thought you had the right to know what has been going on." Deacon took a deep breath and let it out. "I just recently found out that I am sick …"

Daphne interrupted, "Aww, Deacon, we'll take care of you."

"I really appreciate that, Daph, but what I have is a bit more serious than a cold or stomach bug." He looked at Maddie whose eyes were getting bigger and glassier by the second. "I have what's called cirrhosis of the liver. It's where your liver becomes scarred and stops functioning properly."

"What do you have to do to get better, Dad?"

"Well Maddie, my doctor started me on some medicine to help with the symptoms and things like that, but in order for me to really get better, I'm going to need a liver transplant." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he felt like throwing up, especially after Maddie's next question.

Very slowly, Maddie asked what Deacon and Rayna had been dreading. "What happens if you don't get a liver transplant?"

Deacon hung his head, trying to fight the tears that were already overflowing from his eyes. Rayna recognized his inability to continue, so she stood and walked over to the girls and sat between them, putting an arm around each. "We'll cross that bridge if we get to it, but right now, we're going to focus on being together as a family. The doctor has Deacon on the transplant list, so we all just have to pray that will work."

Maddie, choking back tears, looked from Rayna to Deacon. "You could die, couldn't you? If you don't get a transplant, you could die and leave us – leave me, right?"

Deacon went over to Maddie and gathered her in his arms. "Oh baby girl, I'm going to do everything I can to not leave you!" Maddie held on to Deacon with all the strength in her arms. Deacon lost his battle trying to hold back his tears and before he knew it, the dam had broken. He and Maddie held each other, both crying for the time they had lost and for the time they weren't going to have. Watching the scene in front of them was devastating. Rayna wondered if it was truly possible to die of a broken heart.

In between heart wrenching sobs, Maddie said, "This isn't fair – I just got you! This can't be happening – not now!" Deacon pulled back enough to look at Maddie. Rayna watched as Deacon and Maddie disappeared into themselves, into each other. It was amazing to see! Their connection transcended anything Rayna had ever seen. She said a silent prayer asking God to let Deacon be one of the lucky ones.

Deacon held Maddie's arms to get her attention. When Maddie looked into her father's eyes, she saw the love that was there. Of course, she could feel it every time he looked at her and could hear the love in his voice every time she heard his voice on the phone. As he stared down at his daughter, Deacon started, "This past year has been more fulfilling and rewarding than my entire life before finding out about you. Being your dad has taught me so much about unconditional love and what hope really is. Finding out about you turned my world upside down, but in the best way possible. Sweetheart, you are the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me … You are the best part of me and your Momma. You and Daphne make life worth living, worth fighting for, and I'm going to fight like hell to beat this thing."

The four of them took turns embracing each other, before Maddie pulled herself together enough to ask, "So what is next? You're on a transplant list, I know, but isn't there something we can do too?"

Rayna answered, "The medicine Deacon is taking should help with some of the symptoms. As for the transplant, we just have to wait for the call. Scarlett also started the testing process to be a living donor if it were to come to that."

Maddie's eyes lit up, "I want to be tested too! I'm Deacon's family – I could be a match!"

Deacon and Rayna looked at each other, mentally kicking themselves. They had neither one even considered that Maddie would want to be tested. Deacon knew he couldn't let Maddie risk her life like that. He would rather die than have something happen to her. He wasn't sure what the rules or protocols were for minors, but he had to protect her. "Honey, I appreciate you wanting to do that for me, more than you know, but minors can't be donors." Maddie seemed to accept his answer, much to his and Rayna's relief.

#

After finally getting the girls settled in bed, Rayna and Deacon went back downstairs and sat by the fire. Rayna situated herself so that she was leaning back against Deacon's chest. She had always felt safest when tucked into him. They sat in silence watching the fire, Rayna's eyes glistening with unshed tears. She had so many things she wanted to say to Deacon, so many wrongs that she wanted to make right.

"Babe?"

"Yeah, Ray? What is it?" Deacon asked.

Rayna's voice broke as she spoke. "Babe, I'm so sorry for everything you've had to go through because of me. I've hurt you so many times over the years, and I just want you to know that I know so much of everything that has happened has been my fault. And more than anything, I am so sorry for not giving you more time with Maddie. You're such a good father, Deacon! You deserved the truth!"

Deacon leaned down, repositioning both he and Rayna so they were facing each other. "Look at me, Ray … Please listen to me. We can't change the things that have already happened. The past is the past, and we can't dwell in it. Maddie is a beautiful, talented, smart young lady. You and Teddy did a wonderful job raising her. You were doing your best to protect her – I understand that, and I am just so damn grateful for the time I have had with her."

Silence filled the room again as Rayna and Deacon lost themselves in thought. Barely above a whisper, Deacon broke the silence, "I'm scared, Ray. I don't want to die." Rayna's heart completely broke at his admission. She could tell he wasn't finished so she waited for him to continue. "I don't want to hurt Maddie or Scarlett … I don't want to miss Maddie growing up."

Rayna put her arms around him. "I know, Babe." There wasn't anything else to say, so they just held onto each other and let their tears fall.

#

Rayna and Deacon must have fallen asleep but were startled awake when Maddie came downstairs and turned a light on. From the way Maddie was standing, hands on her hips, they could tell there was something up. Her cheeks were tear stained and flushed, and she looked angry. Maddie looked right at Deacon and said, "You lied to me!"

Deacon was completely thrown off guard. He had no idea what she was talking about. Their confusion must have shown on Rayna's and Deacon's faces because Maddie glared at them and said, "Minors can be donors!" In shock, Rayna and Deacon looked at each other, wide eyed, and then back at Maddie. "I've been researching living donors since you guys came back downstairs."

"Well, that may be true, Maddie … but I didn't knowingly lie to you. I wouldn't do that! We honestly didn't discuss it with the doctor because it's just not an option," responded Deacon.

Maddie put her hands back on her hips and said, "Yes, it is! It is an option!" She certainly was stubborn, thought Deacon. Just like her Momma … Well, maybe like him too if he was honest. Actually, it was one of the things he loved most about her – she didn't let anyone walk all over her.

Deacon was set to argue his point, but before he could, Maddie sat down on the coffee table in front of him and Rayna. "Look, before you decide on anything, can I please just tell you what I found out? It's not as bad as what you think." Deacon glanced at Rayna. He could tell she was conflicted, but when she looked back at him and nodded an okay to Maddie, he really didn't have much choice but to hear her out. Whatever information Maddie had found out wasn't going to change his mind, but he didn't have the heart to shut her down, at least not yet. So he reluctantly agreed.

"Ok … There's a group of experts in transplants called The US Organ Donor Consensus Group. They agreed that a minor under 18 years old could ethically be a donor in exceptional circumstances. They came up with four conditions that would have to be satisfied for a minor to be a donor. The first condition is that both the donor and recipient be highly likely to benefit, which is why a minor couldn't be a donor for a stranger. It has to be within an intimate family setting and the psychological benefit to the donor would be significant. That's obviously the case with us. You're my father, so no one would benefit more than me."

Maddie gave her parents a few minutes to digest what she had told them before she continued. "The second condition is that the surgical risk for the donor should be relatively low. The risk for a donor is pretty much comparable to the recipient, and studies have shown the chance of death is less than one percent." Rayna couldn't help but feel pride as she listened to Maddie. She was definitely proving her point, regardless of how she or Deacon felt about it.

"Condition three is that all other options for a transplant have been exhausted, which means I couldn't even be tested until other potential living donors have been evaluated and found incompatible. Or the recipient should not be likely to survive the wait to receive a deceased donor liver, despite being an excellent candidate for transplantation. And the forth condition involves an advocacy team that makes sure the minor hasn't been coerced. They also evaluate the minor for maturity and their ability to thoughtfully make decisions. The decision has to be made between the minor and his/her parents – both parental permission and the minor's consent are required. You guys know I am capable of making an informed decision about this!"

Maddie could see her father getting ready to protest, so she cut him off. "Dad, Mom, please! I have to be able to help if I can. You don't understand how I feel about this … I don't even know how to explain it, but … but, I never really felt like I belonged. I know you and Dad love me," she said looking at Rayna before turning her attention back to Deacon, "but I was different. I always felt different on the inside, but you made me feel like I do belong. It's because I'm like you. We're the same and I can't lose you. You just got here, remember? You can't leave me – I need you, Daddy!" Deacon recognized his own words from the night Rayna had brought Maddie to The Bluebird to hear him play. It broke his heart to watch his daughter fall apart, but he couldn't let her take the chance.

"Maddie, baby, you'll never know how much I appreciate you wanting to do this, but there are too many things that could go wrong. Sweetheart, I could never live with myself if something happened to you. You still have so much life to live, and me, well I've lived the best life possible … I got to love you and your Momma. That's all I need! And I know you aren't going to understand this now, and I pray one day you will, but I love you too damn much to let you take the chance."

As she watched the scene in front of her unfold, Rayna literally thought she may have been having a heart attack. She felt like something was inside her chest squeezing her heart and lungs. She couldn't breathe. – How could she have wasted so much time without him? She would forever regret those decisions.

After over an hour and a half of discussion, with Maddie and Deacon neither one backing down, Maddie went to bed, exhaustion finally winning. When she had finally gone upstairs, Deacon turned to Rayna with an expectant look on his face. "It would have been nice to have some back up, Ray!"

Rayna sighed, "I know, but … I know how she feels Deacon. I understand your point of view, but how are we supposed to sit back and watch you die if there's even a remote possibility that we could have prevented it? How are _**we**_supposed to live with that?"

Deacon knew he wasn't going to get anywhere arguing with Rayna tonight, but he had an idea that would hopefully make sure Maddie wouldn't be at risk. He would have to deal with that tomorrow though.

Rayna looked up at the clock. It was 3:30 in the morning. "It's too late for you to drive all the way home now. Besides, it would make the girls feel better if you were here when they got up."

He really didn't feel like driving home, so Deacon reluctantly agreed, "I'll stay, Ray, but I'll sleep on the couch."

Rayna rolled her eyes, "That's ridiculous, but if that's what you want, then fine." She got him a pillow, blankets and made up his bed. When she was done, she said, "Well, goodnight then." Before walking away, Rayna leaned in for a hug. It felt so good to be so close to each other. Rayna pulled back to look at him. All Deacon could think about was how beautiful she was. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he leaned forward and kissed her. It was a kiss of rediscovery, slow and sensual. He ran his tongue along her lips and when she opened her mouth, she slipped his tongue inside. The kiss was so slow that the sweetness of it brought tears to her eyes. When Rayna pulled back, she saw Deacon's eyes full of lust and how heavy he was breathing. She needed this, needed him. She threaded her hands into his hair and pulled his head down to hers where they met in the middle. There was nothing slow about this kiss. Their tongues battled as Rayna bit down on his bottom lip and sucked on it. Deacon groaned from the back of his throat and ran his hands down her back before bringing them up to her face. Their bodies molded together. She could feel him against her … There was no denying he wanted her as much as she wanted him, but she could feel him start distancing himself from her, not just physically but also emotionally.

With his chest heaving, Deacon rested his forehead on hers. They stayed in that position for a few moments trying to convince their bodies to calm down.

"I'm sorry, Ray, for getting carried away …"

That didn't set well with Rayna. "I'm not sorry, Deacon. I love you and I want you!"

"I love you too. I always will, but I still think it's better to keep our distance as far as that stuff goes. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to."

Rayna's eyes flashed. "Seriously Deacon? You know what, it doesn't matter if we share a bed or not, it wouldn't hurt any less if I lost you. Being married and engaged to other men didn't make me love you any less, so I'm damn sure your chastity won't either! But if that's what you really want, then fine, I'll respect your choice."

With that, Rayna turned and walked straight up the stairs, never looking back. Deacon watched the stairs long after she had disappeared. Lord help him, he was so confused. He couldn't think straight where she was concerned. It had felt so good to hold her, to kiss her, and not to mention there he was long after she had gone to her room, still hard from their interlude. He couldn't remember ever wanting a woman as much as he did at that moment. He laid down on the couch and settled in for a long night of sleeplessness.

#

Rayna finally got up at 6:30 am after spending the entire night horny as hell and pissed off at Deacon for not doing anything about it. She sincerely hoped he hadn't slept a wink!

Deacon smelled coffee coming from the kitchen. Rayna sure was up early. He wondered if her night had been as restless as his. He walked into the kitchen where she had her back turned and was pouring coffee.

"Morning," Deacon offered.

Rayna glanced in his direction and gave a half-hearted, "Hey." It was pretty obvious she was still mad at him about last night, so he cautiously came up behind her. She could feel his breath on her neck. "Ray, about last night …" She stopped him in mid-sentence. "Don't Deacon. I'm really not in the mood to make nice right this moment. I'm tired and I'm grouchy. I haven't slept at all …"

"I'm sorry, Ray. I shouldn't have let that happen last night. I just …"

Rayna interrupted, poking him in the chest with her index finger, "No, Deacon … What you shouldn't have done was got us both all worked up and then sent me to bed horny as hell! No Deacon, you sure as hell shouldn't have done that!" Rayna spun on her heels and walked out of the kitchen and back upstairs, leaving Deacon standing solo in her kitchen with his mouth hanging open.

When he finally got his wits about him again, he just shook his head. Damn! That woman could level him with no warning. Well, at least he had not doubts that he had the same effect on her last night as she did on him. Man, was he in trouble!

#

Rayna came back downstairs after showering to Deacon flipping pancakes onto Maddie's and Daphne's plates. She couldn't help but smile. The scene in front of her was a glimpse into what their lives should have been. They should have started every morning like that. Damn him! How was she supposed to stay mad when he was making breakfast for her girls? Rayna made sure the smile on her face was believable and joined them in the kitchen. She and Deacon met eyes, and Rayna gave him a tentative smile. Deacon returned her smile and asked if she wanted pancakes. "Of course," she said.

While they were eating, Deacon's phone rang. He saw that it was Scarlett. He answered, and a few minutes later hung up and turned back to Rayna. "That was Scarlett. She got a call from my doctor's office. Her blood type is a match for mine, so the office is going to schedule further tests."

After his phone call with Scarlett, Deacon seemed distracted. Rayna knew he wasn't comfortable with the idea of Scarlett being his donor. Hopefully, being on the transplant list would be enough, and it wouldn't come to a living donor. Deacon had finished eating and got up to leave. "I have a few things I need to do today, but I will see you ladies later." He kissed Maddie and Daphne on their foreheads and hugged Rayna before leaving.

#

Deacon couldn't believe he was going to do this but it was only way he could protect Maddie, and he would do absolutely anything to ensure her well-being.

He heard his assistant on the intercom, "Mr. Mayor, there's a Mr. Claybourne here to see you. He says it's important." Teddy was officially shocked. What in the hell would Deacon want to see him for? He guessed he'd find out soon enough. "Send him in, Marie."

As Deacon walked into Teddy's office, the two men inadvertently sized each other up. They had both been making more of an effort to co-parent without open hostility as of late, but sometimes old habits die hard. Deacon was uncomfortable but knew this was something he had to do, so he began, "Thanks for seeing me, Teddy."

"What's going on, Deacon? Is something wrong with Maddie?" Teddy was profoundly aware of how nervous and uncomfortable Deacon was. Something was definitely up.

"No, Maddie's fine. Look, I'm just going to get to it." Deacon paused to collect his thoughts. "I'm dying, or at least there's a damn good chance I'm going to die. My liver is failing … you were all right about the drinking, huh?" Deacon smirked, but Teddy could see the pain behind his eyes.

There was no right thing to say, so Teddy simply said, "I'm sorry …"

Deacon politely cut him off, "You don't have to do that … It's no secret how you've felt about me all these years. And I haven't exactly been your biggest fan either, but that's not why I'm here. I'm here about Maddie."

"What about Maddie?," Teddy asked.

Deacon let out the breath he had been holding, "I need a liver transplant. If I don't get one, I will die. I'm on the transplant list, but a living donor is an option too. Scarlett has already started the testing process." Deacon scowled a little at that.

Teddy stopped Deacon abruptly. "Are you here to try and get my permission for Maddie to get tested? Because if you are …"

Deacon jumped in, "No, definitely not … The opposite, actually." Teddy looked completely confused, so Deacon continued, "Maddie wants to be tested. Made quite the case for herself last night. A word to the wise, do a little research on minors being donors before discussing it with her, because Rayna and I looked like a pair of dumbasses when she started spewing the research she had done at us." Teddy had to smile at the mental image of that. Maddie sure could be a force when she wanted something. "She would have to have parental permission to be tested. I don't know if I can depend on Rayna to stick to not letting her be evaluated." Deacon looked at Teddy, "This is where you come in … I need you to make sure she does not get tested. No matter how much she tries to guilt you into it … because she will. She'll throw it in your face about keeping her paternity from her. Rayna may crack over that, but I need you to be the bastard we both know you can be." Deacon smirked with the last bit.

Teddy and Deacon stood there in silence for a minute before Teddy asked, "Why Deacon? If Maddie was a match, it could save your life."

"I'd rather die than put Maddie at risk. That girl is the best thing I've ever done in my life. She's smart, talented and has such a beautiful heart. I wish every day that I didn't miss so much of her life, but …," Deacon looked at Teddy, "But, I do understand why Rayna did what she did. And no matter how you and I feel about each other, I know you love Maddie and you've been good to her. She's going to hate you for it for a while but you have to be her father and do what is right for her now. Please protect her, Teddy!"

Teddy saw the tears in Deacon's eyes and he thought that maybe he was really seeing Deacon for the first time. It still hurt knowing Rayna had been in love with him for the duration of their marriage, but maybe, just maybe, he was beginning to understand a little of the reason why. Teddy nodded his agreement to do what Deacon had asked, but when Deacon turned to leave, Teddy stopped him. "Deacon?"

Deacon turned back towards the Mayor. "Yeah?"

Teddy took a few tentative steps towards him and extended his hand. Deacon looked a bit apprehensive, but shook his hand anyway. "I'm sorry, Deacon." Deacon was sure he looked as confused as he felt when Teddy clarified. "For what Rayna and I did with Maddie. I don't regret being Maddie's Dad, but I do regret the way we handled it. I was jealous. You had Rayna. You always had Rayna, even when she was married to me. I was selfish and I am sorry for that. You've proven yourself this last year with Maddie. As much as I hate to admit it," he chuckled, "You're a good father, Deacon, and if I had any doubts before today, I don't anymore."

Teddy's words cut straight through Deacon. Teddy's approval meant way more than he would have imagined. He shook Teddy's hand again and said, "Thanks, I appreciate that," before walking out of the Mayor's office.

Well, that was certainly not what he was expecting when he had decided to pay Teddy a visit today. It was proof that maybe miracles were possible …


	9. Chapter 9

**NOTE: **_This was a tough chapter to write after last week's episode. The writers have pretty much ruined this couple for me. Rayna has quickly become one of my least favorite characters in TV history, which is crazy because I love Connie Britton. I know the theory is they're setting her up to really fall hard, but after her little speech to Deacon about him needing to move on & him ripping her picture off his guitar case, I think he just may be ready to take her advice, which means we get him sick & a role reversal the 2__nd__ half of the season. And no closer to them as a couple. Enough for my rant! __**Please review. Love to know what you think.**_

_**Warning: Sexual Content in this chapter!**_

**Chapter 9**

It had been two months since Maddie had presented her argument for being tested as a donor match. Two months since Deacon and Rayna had kissed in her living room. There had been moments in the last two months that Deacon had regretted sending Rayna away, but the truth was, whether either one of them wanted to admit it or not, it had been the right thing to do. Ultimately, that night had been the catalyst for the strides they had made in their relationship since then.

# **(Deacon's Perspective)**

Deacon's symptoms had definitely worsened, which had become very difficult for him to handle at times. His body felt rundown constantly regardless of how much he slept and rested. There had been times when he had gotten things confused … His brain just felt fuzzy sometimes. This had led to a decline in his guitar playing, which had been the hardest pill to swallow. At least Maddie had been there to play for him. She had been spending most of her time when she wasn't in school at his house. Actually, Rayna and Daphne had become permanent fixtures as well. And, of course, Scarlett had mothered over him like a momma bear. Truthfully, it had been wonderful beyond his wildest dreams having them all together as a family. His and Rayna's relationship had shifted too. Deacon had been amazed at the level of devotion she had shown him. He really didn't know how she did it all – Highway 65 was on an upswing which was incredible, especially after the Luke fiasco, but she also had to add in the girls and their activities, as well as, the amount of time she spent with him. But the thing that surprised him the most was how happy she seemed. It was as if she was beginning to recognize the qualities in herself that Deacon had always been able to see. She was more comfortable in her own skin, and for she and Deacon, they had finally been able to extinguish that invisible line that was drawn years ago when she married Teddy. There were no longer any rules that they had to follow with their conversations or behavior. This had broken down the barriers that had been between them for so long. When Deacon looked at Rayna now, he saw not only the woman he had fallen head over heels in love with over twenty years ago, but also the woman she was now. He had thought he had loved her all those years as much as it was possible for one person to love another, but he had been wrong, because his love had grown in leaps and bounds over the previous two months.

# **(Rayna's Perspective)**

The last two months had been the most memorable of her life. Even though Deacon's disease had progressed, their family unit had become stronger than ever. Rayna and the girls spent as much time with him as possible, especially Maddie who didn't want to miss any opportunity she had to be with him. Rayna could sense the fear in her daughter. It was always lying right under the surface and influenced everything Maddie did or didn't do. She hadn't told Deacon, but Rayna knew Maddie had quit many of her after school activities, choosing instead to spend every afternoon after school at his house. Deacon wouldn't have wanted Maddie to walk away from the things she normally did, but Rayna understood her need to be with Deacon while she could. She understood the need because she felt exactly the same way. When Rayna wasn't physically with him, she was thinking about him. She had to admit he had been right about not diving headfirst into a relationship again. She had learned a lot about herself and Deacon during those two months. Rayna had finally started to figure out who she was without being the other half of a couple. It hadn't been easy to accept at first because she felt like they were wasting important time together, especially considering his circumstance, but Rayna had finally felt she had come into her own. She had gained so much confidence in who she was and what she was capable of on all fronts. She had found that making the strides in her own self-development had given her relationship with Deacon wings of its own. More and more she was letting him in, allowing him to really see and know the real her, flaws and all. She had not even been aware of just closed off she had been until she and Deacon had begun to really let their guards down with each other. It had been so gratifying to watch and feel their relationship grow into what it was now. There was no denying her feelings for him, and she wouldn't make that mistake again anyway. She loved him and that wasn't ever going to change.

#

Deacon had not had a good day. His feet and ankles had been swollen, which made him uncomfortable, and he was tired all day. Not every day was like this, but the ones that were made him feel weak and ashamed. Rayna had come by after work. She had recognized his mood immediately. On those days, they didn't spend a lot of time talking. Instead, they just enjoyed each other's company. They always had a sixth sense about what the other was feeling, so it was natural for them to sit together without unnecessary words and watch television like they were doing when Scarlett called. Rayna answered the phone.

"Hey Scarlett!"

"Rayna … hey … you guys need to turn on CMT right now," insisted Scarlett.

"Okay, okay, what's going on?"

"They know, Rayna. Everybody knows!" Scarlett was so distraught that Rayna immediately shifted into 'Momma' mode.

"It's okay, Scarlett. Don't worry! I promise it'll be alright."

Scarlet took a few deep breaths and pulled herself together to say, "Please tell Uncle Deacon I love him, and I'll be home a little bit later. Thanks Rayna."

After she had disconnected with Scarlett, Rayna grabbed the remote and turned the channel to CMT. Deacon looked at her with curiosity. "That was Scarlett. She said to turn on CMT. She said people know … about you." Deacon's face went completely pale. Without saying a word, he turned his attention to the television. They must have missed the very beginning but Katie Cook was on the screen …

" … _This news is just heartbreaking to report, but a source has revealed that Nashville's own Deacon Claybourne has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver and is in dire need of a liver transplant. As many of you are already aware, Claybourne battled alcohol addiction years ago. He was triumphant in conquering his addiction and has been successful in his sobriety for approximately fifteen years, with one noted slip about a year and a half ago when he and his one time love and writing partner Rayna Jaymes were involved in the vehicle accident that almost ended her life. Claybourne has made a phenomenal comeback with a successful solo career. It's always been clear that whether in front of a microphone, playing guitar, or behind the scenes penning hit songs, he is one of the most talented and respected members of Nashville's musical community._

_At the TJ Martell Foundation benefit tonight, CMT correspondent Allison DeMarcus saw firsthand what Deacon means to the world of music." _

The camera picked up Allison DeMarcus who was randomly interviewing celebrities in attendance. Kelly Clarkson was one of the celebrities who was asked about her thoughts on Deacon.

With tears in her eyes, Clarkson said, _"I just can't believe it. Deacon is just such a great guy. He's always been so good to me, especially when I was starting out here. I was so blessed to have worked with him. My family and I are going to be praying for him."_

DeMarcus also stopped Luke Wheeler on the carpet and asked him if he had anything to say regarding Deacon's diagnosis.

"_Well Allison, I'm very sorry to hear about Deacon. I certainly wish him and his family the best. He's an extremely talented musician."_

Deacon and Rayna looked at each other before Rayna leaned into him, "He wasn't so bad there, huh?" Deacon nodded his agreement before turning his attention back to the television.

The last celebrity who was questioned about Deacon was Vince Gill. He was asked how the Nashville community would be affected.

"_Deacon is the best guitar player to come out of this town, not to mention one of the most gifted songwriters I've ever had the pleasure and honor to work with. Deacon Claybourne is as much a part of the fabric of this town as George Strait and Alan Jackson. He's got the gift of music. Personally, Deacon is someone I hold dear to my heart. He's a fighter, always has been … My family will do all that we can to help him through this obstacle … I know one thing I can do. I'm going to get tested to be a possible donor. I encourage others to do the same."_

Deacon turned off the television. He and Rayna sat there, neither one knowing what to say. Rayna broke the silence, "Wow, Babe … How did they find out?"

"Doesn't really matter now … Guess everybody knows." Rayna could see how difficult it was to have his privacy invaded like that. In that moment, she flashed back to the Rolling Stone interview she had given. She still had so much guilt about giving that reporter so much private information on her and Deacon. Just one more time she had let him down. She couldn't take it back but she sure as hell wouldn't ever put him in a position like that again.

#

In some ways, it had been a blessing that the news of Deacon's illness had leaked and been made public. Deacon had tried to stay positive despite the situation, more so for her, the girls and Scarlett than for himself, but there were times when Rayna could see him retreat into himself. During those times, she could see his internal struggle with his own blame in his situation. Rayna knew he blamed himself and even thought maybe he deserved what was happening, as a kind of karma biting him in the ass for everything he had put her through and for what he still believed was his fault in Vince's death. The media certainly didn't view it that way. It gave him the opportunity to experience what Rayna had known all along, that Deacon Claybourne had made a mark all of his own on this town. It had absolutely nothing to do with her. The city of Nashville was a family and Deacon was a vital part of that family. And he needed to see the community he had touched on so many levels rally around him. He needed to know how much he had inspired the lives of those he had touched.

#

In the week that had passed from when his story was made public knowledge, a lot had happened. People had come out of the woodwork to be tested as possible donors for Deacon, which of course, he couldn't believe. At times it made Rayna sad to see how surprised he continued to be that he had so many people that loved and respected him. She wished that one day when this was all said and done, he would hold his head a little higher. She had finally agreed to allow Scarlett to move forward with the crossmatching test for compatibility. She had wanted to do it immediately after finding out she had a compatible blood type, but Deacon had insisted on waiting until it became more necessary, and unfortunately, as the days and weeks passed, the progression of the disease was making it more difficult for him to deny the necessity. His symptoms were continuously getting worse. He was now classified as being in Stage Four. His normally clear and piercing eyes and flawless skin had taken on a yellow tint. He slept more than usual, and there had been a few instances when he had become confused and disoriented. The morning after the news broke on CMT, Rayna had found him in the bathroom staring at a tube of toothpaste he was holding in his hand. The tube had very little toothpaste left in it, and he couldn't figure out how to get it out so he could brush his teeth. So Rayna very gently took the tube from him and demonstrated to him how to squeeze the tube from the bottom to get that last bit out. Rayna knew he had been embarrassed, but luckily he didn't make a big deal out of it. Although, his reaction had kind of scared her as well, because she felt some of the fight go out of him that morning. But the most frightened she had been was three days ago when she stopped by his house after leaving the Highway 65 offices and found him in the bathroom floor with his head over the toilet vomiting blood. He looked so defeated sitting there looking up at her. It broke Rayna's heart to see him like that. They had been faced with the undeniable realization that his health was declining at an alarmingly fast rate. Rayna had called Dr. Marsh who met them in the emergency room. Fortunately, this time there wasn't a huge cause for concern. Nothing major had ruptured, but they knew there would be a next time and they may not be so lucky. Dr. Marsh had sat with Deacon before he was discharged and gave him the necessary push to start actively considering a living donor. He was still hesitant about it but this was when he agreed for Scarlett's testing to be continued.

We were still waiting for Scarlett's results, when additional testing had begun for other potential living donors. Several members of the country music world came in to be tested, including Vince Gill who had stayed true to his word. Scarlett's bandmate Gunner was tested, and Tandy had even volunteered to Rayna's and Deacon's surprise. Tandy simply told Rayna, "I know how much Deacon means to you and Maddie, Rayna. I know I've been judgmental about your relationship with him, but I've had the chance to see the two of you happy, and I have to say, the two of you belong together. You all deserve to have the family you always wanted, and that's what I want for you. So, let me try and help you, please." So Tandy was tested that day.

There were many others, some they knew well, and others that had been inspired by Deacon in one way or another who wanted to show their gratitude to him. Avery, Juliette's husband, was one of those who was tested because of a deep routed gratitude to Deacon for giving him a chance after he had been black balled in the town. Producing Deacon's album had opened all sorts of doors for him. Rayna prayed a donor was found before Juliette had her baby because she insisted she was being tested just as soon as that baby made her entrance into the world. That was a discussion Rayna never wanted to revisit, Juliette yelling at Deacon for being a stubborn dumbass for not wanting her to be tested and Deacon yelling back at her that no one, including him, was worth risking her life for.

Deacon told her, "That baby girl of yours is going to need her Momma, so the best thing you can do for me is to be the best Momma you possibly can to her. You make sure she always knows her place in this world." This, of course, resulted in all of them in tears. That was the day Juliette's role in their family had ben solidified. She might be a pain in the ass sometimes but that girl had more heart than anyone Rayna knew.

Maddie was still insistent that she wanted to be tested. Deacon still refused, and Rayna had done her best to maintain her resolve, but she found it progressively becoming harder and harder to tell her daughter that she wasn't permitted to try and help save her father's life. That's when Teddy had stepped in and refused to give his parental consent, but instead volunteered to be tested himself. Rayna and Maddie had both been speechless when they found out. She couldn't say what it was, but something had happened between Teddy and Deacon. They weren't what Rayna would call friends, but the hostility between them was gone, and in its place was a newfound mutual respect. Teddy had somehow managed to let go of his jealousy of Maddie's time with Deacon. In fact, he encouraged it. He even encouraged Daphne to spend time with Deacon. Even with the strides, or maybe because of the strides, that had been made in their eclectic family unit, Deacon had graciously declined Teddy's offer by very simply saying, "I truly appreciate the offer Teddy, but Maddie is going to need a father and that's gotta be you." Teddy shook Deacon's hand and nodded in a mutual understanding. Neither Deacon nor Teddy had been willing to give Rayna any insight into what had brought about the change in their relationship. Rayna decided to just accept it as one more thing she wasn't going to understand.

#

Deacon had been having a pretty good day. When he had good days, he and Rayna tried to make the most of them with the girls, so the four of them were playing a board game when Scarlett came home. He could tell there was something wrong when she walked through the door with tears in her eyes. Deacon couldn't for the life of him figure what would have her so upset. He got up and put his arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch to sit down. "Scarlett, Sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

The tears that had been threatening cut loose and it took Scarlett several minutes to get herself together enough to talk. She watched as Deacon, Rayna and the girls huddled around her offering their comfort. The four of them really were a beautiful family, which made her news even more devastating. "Dr. Marsh's office called me today." All four of their expressions turned anxious. She took and released a deep breath before continuing, "Our crossmatch was positive and that means I can't be your donor." Scarlett watched their reactions. Rayna and the girls looked like they had been deflated, while Deacon on the other hand, looked relieved. That was just like him too. Regardless of what it would mean for him, she knew he didn't want her to take the risk.

Deacon hugged Scarlett close to him and said, "Scarlett, it's okay, really. You shouldn't be upset about it. I really appreciate you trying, but this is actually a good thing. This way I know you're safe and healthy.

Scarlett started to cry again, "I know you didn't want me to do it, but I wanted more than anything to be able to do this for you … for all of you," she said looking at her Uncle and his girls. Recognizing her disappointment as their own, Rayna, Maddie and Daphne all put their arms around Scarlett, ensuring her that they appreciated her trying.

The five of them spent the next hour playing a few songs Maddie and Daphne had been working on. When Scarlett got up and went into the kitchen for a drink, Rayna followed her. Rayna had so many emotions running through her and she really wanted to spend some time with Deacon. Just him and her. "Scarlett, do you have anything going on tonight or in the morning?" Rayna asked.

"No, not really. Why?" Scarlett answered.

"I was wondering if you would do something for me …"

"Of course, what is it Rayna?"

"Would you take Maddie and Daphne back to our house tonight and stay with them? There are some things I need to talk to Deacon about and I can't really do that with the girls here. Besides, it may do them some good spending time with someone besides me and Deacon and Teddy."

Scarlett shook her head. "That sounds like fun. This it might do me some good too," Scarlett said with a smile. Rayna hugged her tight and thanked her. Scarlett managed quite easily to convince the girls how much fun it would be to have a cousins sleepover. Like Deacon, Scarlett always made Daphne feel like she was as much her family as Maddie was. Once Scarlett had an overnight bag packed and goodbyes were said, they left giggling about pedicures and hair extensions. Once the door closed behind them, Deacon and Rayna let the welcomed quiet wash over them. Running his hand over his scruff, Deacon admitted, "Shew Ray, I love those three girls more than anything, but man are they loud!"

Rayna chuckled. "Yep, they sure are!"

They sat in silence a few more minutes before Deacon asked, "Was it your idea for Scarlett to take the girls home?"

There was no point in not being honest about it, so Rayna said, "Yeah, it was. We haven't had much time together alone in quite a while. I missed you!"

Deacon looked at here and smiled. "Come on Ray, let's go to bed." Rayna took his hand and followed him to the bedroom, where he promptly fell asleep by the time she was finished in the bathroom. He looked so peaceful laying there. It was so hard to believe what was really happening inside his body. Rayna put on one of his old Bluebird Café t-shirts and climbed into bed with him. She watched him as her eyes adjusted to the moonlight and thought back over the last two months. They had spent practically every possible moment together as a family. Despite the circumstances, they had grown closer and were finally at a place where the trust they had once shared had redeveloped and they felt security with each other again. Rayna actually thought that she loved him more today than she ever had. And she had to give it to him, to his credit, he hadn't touched her in a romantic way since that night at her house after they had told the girls. Truth be told, she had reached the point where she wasn't happy about it. Rayna thought they had wasted enough time. She loved him and wanted to be with him in every way. She must have fallen asleep too. It was still and dark when her dream woke her. Deacon was lying on his back and she was laying practically on top of him, her head on his bare chest. She was still a little disoriented from her dream – it had felt so real! Her heart was still racing from the images her dream held. Before she woke, she and Deacon had been making love on a beach in Mexico, and she was still having a difficult time pushing the images out of her head. Actually, she wasn't so sure she wanted to get the images out of her head. In fact, what she wanted to do was make her dream a reality. She decided to give Deacon a taste of what he had been missing. Rayna ran her hand over Deacon's chest, making sure she outlined every muscle with the tips of her fingers. He stirred a little as she flicked her tongue against one nipple and then the other. He groaned low in the back of his throat when she slid her hand into his boxers. He caught her wrist as he jolted awake and looked at her. He was breathing hard. Almost a whisper, "What are you doing, Ray?"

Rayna propped herself up a bit as she tentatively started to gently move her hand. "Please Babe, I want you. I need you, Deacon!" She could see the indecision on his face, but she also saw his eyelids flutter as she moved against him. She leaned close to his ear and said, "I love you," before taking his lobe into her mouth and sucking hard on it. She felt him release her wrist and took full advantage of it. She pushed his boxers down until he was free and before he could do anything, she pushed herself up to straddle him. Locking her eyes with his, Rayna pulled the t-shirt she was wearing over her head. My God, she's beautiful, Deacon thought. He reached up to stroke her breasts when she surprised him by taking him in her hand and then sinking down on him. She whimpered as he filled her, "Ahh, Deacon, you feel so good." He watched her as she started to move over him, obviously on a mission. Deacon sat up and left a moist trail with his tongue from her chest to her neck. She grasped the back of his head and pulled him closer. He could tell she was close to her release because her movements had become more frantic and her moans were louder. To help her he circled her most sensitive spot with his thumb. It wasn't twenty seconds later she screamed his name and arched her back as she came around him. He stilled long enough for her to ride out her orgasm before flipping her onto her back and searching for his own release. He pumped into her several more times before biting down on her shoulder as he let go.

They both lay motionless as they struggled to regulate their labored breathing. Once they had succeeded, Deacon raised his head from where it had been buried in Rayna's shoulder to look into her eyes. What he saw there was a look of pure love and satisfaction. Rayna grinned up at him. "Hey," she offered shyly. Deacon just shook his head at her. He leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose and then asked, "What was that all about, Ray?"

Rayna knew he was preparing to give her a "talking to" since she had crossed the invisible line he had drawn a few months ago. But to be honest, she really wasn't concerned with what his reasons for not getting romantically involved were anymore. "It was me being proactive, Deacon. I know what you said about us, but I also know how I feel. I love you more today than I ever have. I'll admit the last few months were probably the smartest way we could have of handled things, rather than diving right into a relationship. I figured a lot out about myself, and I feel like I know the man you are so much better now. Honestly, that's why I think it's just silly for us to try and stay apart like that. I love you. That's not going to change and you love me too. So why spend so much time trying to fight what we both want when we can just accept what we are to each other and enjoy as many moments as we can?"

Deacon had been ready to open his mouth to argue her points, but realized he couldn't. She was right. It was pointless to try to pretend either one of them was okay being without the other. The two of them were bound to each other … She knew it. He knew it. So why deny it? They had hurt one another so many times in the past, but he had finally realized in that moment that he didn't worry she was going to hurt him again, and even more importantly, he no longer worried he would fall off the wagon again and destroy what they had built together. He knew without a doubt that part of his life was over. Alcohol had cost him so much throughout his lifetime, but it, nor his demons had any control over him anymore. He knew what real happiness and family were. He saw and felt it every day, despite his health problems, when he looked into the faces of Rayna, Maddie, Daphne and Scarlett. So as Rayna laid under him readying herself for the argument she was sure would come, instead Deacon held her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her. But before his lips met hers, he whispered, "You're right, Ray. I love you too!" His gentleness brought tears of relief to her eyes. When the kiss ended, Deacon moved onto his side and brought Rayna into him. They laid there in the moonlight spooning until they both fell asleep with love and gratitude in their hearts.

#

_The next morning…_

Rayna awoke to the aroma of coffee filling her nostrils. She also smelled bacon being cooked, and her stomach growled on cue. As hungry as she was and even with the anticipation of seeing Deacon, she was still rather apprehensive about confronting him. She hoped with every fiber of her being that he meant what he had said last night and hadn't changed his mind about them in the light of day. The closeness she and Deacon had shared last night went far beyond the physical realm. Rayna couldn't imagine having to go back pretending that part of them didn't exist. Theirs had been a long, difficult journey getting to where they were now, and there were so many things she wished they would have done differently. But the truth was, Rayna didn't really regret the decisions that had been made. Those decisions had brought them to this exact moment in time. And while the journey had been arduous, it had also been paved with many blessings. Daphne had been a result of those blessings, and that sweet girl had brought joy to all of their lives. Their family unquestionably had a great deal to be thankful for. The fear of losing that, of losing Deacon was why Rayna knew now was the time for her to force the conversation she had been waiting to have with Deacon. She just prayed he would be receptive.

Her nerves were all over the place as Rayna made her way into the kitchen. What she saw when she got there caused her pulse rate to promptly rise. There stood Deacon with his back to her in front of the stove, shirtless with his sweatpants riding low on his hips. The bacon she had smelled cooking was off to the side, and he was now flipping pancakes. Rayna watched as the muscles in his back flexed every time he moved. It mystified her how he had gotten better with age. Most men had reached their peak and were already on the decline by the time they were his age, but not Deacon. He was the sexiest he had ever been. Rayna hoped he had no regrets about last night, but she found it incredibly difficult to control herself with him standing there half naked and cooking her breakfast. He was humming a song Rayna hadn't heard before, something about "so many sorrys ago," when Rayna quietly came up behind him and put her arms around his waist. "Hey Babe."

Deacon leaned into her before turning to face her. "Morning Ray," he said as he lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was slow and deliberate and nearly made Rayna's knees buckle. "How'd ya sleep?" He continued to nuzzle her neck after the kiss ended.

"I … ahh …slept well," Rayna stammered. Damn, she couldn't think with his tongue in her ear like that! Deacon didn't seem too interested in talking this morning. When he turned back to the stove and cut the burner off before grasping her by the waist and hoisting her up on the kitchen island, her desire to talk went right out the window. He wasted no time undoing the buttons on the flannel of his she had put on before leaving his bedroom. He made a moist path with his tongue from her neck to her chest, and when he clamped down on her nipple, she nearly came off the island. "Oh my God, Deacon!" Rayna panted. Her reaction only fueled the fire within him. He pulled back just a bit and grinned at her when he ran his hand up the inside of her thigh, only to find out she had not put her panties back on this morning. Rayna gave him a smirk in response as she ran her hands down his chest and hooked them into his sweatpants and tugged them down. She was pleased to see he had chosen to forego his boxers as well.

"Are you ready for me, Ray?" he asked as he stroked her. Her eyes fluttered shut and she arched her back into him when he sunk two fingers into her. "Of course you are … you're always ready for me, aren't you Ray?" His eyes never left hers. Rayna was so turned on, all she could manage was an, "Always." Their lovemaking had always been able to go many different ways. Sometimes it was slow and sensuous, or sometimes, like now, it was quick and hot, but no matter what, it was always passionate and satisfying. Her train of thought was lost and forgotten when he entered her in one swift movement. It was just a matter of minutes before they were shouting each other's names as they climaxed, first Rayna with Deacon immediately following.

When it was over, Deacon kissed her very slowly as he helped button her shirt. After pulling up his pants, he helped Rayna off the counter. "Well, good morning to you too, Cowboy! If I had known that's what was waiting for me, I would have gotten up hours ago," Rayna teased as she swatted his ass. "How about that breakfast you were looking so sexy cooking this morning?"

Deacon laughed. It was the most glorious sound Rayna had ever heard. "You just using me for my body and pancakes, Ray?"

Rayna raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down with a giggle and then said, "It is a pretty damn hot body, but … I kinda love you too." With that, Rayna stepped forward to hug him. His arms fastened securely behind her back while he buried his nose into her hair. "I kinda love you too, baby!" They stood like that for a few moments before separating long enough for Deacon to finish cooking breakfast and for Rayna to set the table.

As they sat and ate, Rayna looked at Deacon and said, "I was kind of afraid you would have changed your mind about us this morning. I know I surprised you last night."

Deacon cupped her chin when she sheepishly stared at her plate. "Rayna, look at me." He brought her chin up so that they were eye to eye. "You did surprise me …A good, no great surprise, I might add, but you were right. Don't get me wrong, I really do think it's been good for us to get to know each other again, without sex and being a couple involved. We needed that after the last year, but I feel better about us than I ever have. Maybe some of that is because, despite the obvious, I feel stronger and more stable than I ever have in my whole life. And I think it's been good for you too, taking some time to be just you and the girls. I wish I knew what the future held, but I just know I want to spend whatever future I still have with you and the girls and Scarlett. Hopefully, it'll be a really long time, but if it isn't, I'm going to be grateful for every moment we do have."

Rayna didn't even realize she had been crying until she wiped her cheek and it was wet. She was so proud of the man Deacon had become. He had been right when he said he had become the man she had always wanted him to be, maybe even more. She always knew how much he loved her, but it was different now. Deacon loved her, but his happiness didn't depend on her anymore. He was able to see the larger picture now. Being a father had played a large role in his transformation, but Rayna knew he had also confronted the demons that had consumed him for years and overcame them. Proud actually didn't even come close to how she felt about him. That personal growth was what she hoped would guide him into the next phase of the morning's conversation.

As they finished cleaning up after breakfast, Rayna took a deep breath and turned towards Deacon, who was putting the last dish away. "Babe, I … I've decided to get tested to be your donor. I have an appointment tomorrow to start by having blood drawn. Then we'll go from there."

Rayna could see the clouds roll over Deacon's face …


	10. Chapter 10

**NOTE: I've been a bit slow updating, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue with my original direction. Please review & let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.**

**Chapter 10**

Rayna watched Deacon's face as he processed what she had told him. She could sense his inner struggle as he contemplated what he was going to say next. As much as Rayna appreciated and sympathized with him wanting to keep her safe, there was no way she would ever be able to live with herself if she wasn't tested. If Deacon didn't get a donor and the unthinkable happened and he died, she would never be able to live with the "what-ifs". How would she ever be able to explain to Maddie that she didn't even try? Maddie had already lost so many years with Deacon because of her. She'd be damned if she was going to let Maddie down again if there was any way for her to prevent it. Chances were she wouldn't be a match anyway, especially considering his blood type, but she had to know for sure.

"I know you're against it, but I need to do this, babe. Not just for you, but for me and for Maddie. I love you Deacon, so I have to try. Please understand that," Rayna tried to reason.

Deacon was trying very hard to stay calm, but every thought in his head was screaming to be let out. And that obviously was not a good idea, so in an attempt to persuade Rayna to reconsider, he responded, "I love you too, Ray. That's why I can't let you do it. It's not an option."

Convinced she MUST have heard him incorrectly, Rayna said, "Excuse me … Did you say you can't let me be tested?"

By the visible stiffness in her shoulders, Deacon knew this wasn't going to go as he had hoped, but he had no intention of backing down. This was too important. "That's right. That's what I said."

Rayna just stared at him in total disbelief that he would even suggest that the decision was anyone else's but hers, as to whether or not she wanted to be tested as a possible donor. It was an established fact that Rayna Jaymes didn't take kindly to being told what she could or could not do. She hadn't taken it from label heads even early in her career or from any man in her life, and she surely had no plans to change that now. But when she met his eyes in preparation for the inevitable confrontation, she saw something there that made her stop before lashing out. FEAR. Deacon looked petrified. She knew he was terrified of anything that would potentially hurt her. So instead of challenging him at that particular moment in time, she took the few short steps between them and put her arms around his waist.

With her words somewhat muffled from her head resting against his bare chest, she said, "Babe, I'm just going to get the preliminary blood test done, nothing else right now. There's no point in us arguing about something that hasn't even happened yet and ruining last night and this morning. Can we please just cross that bridge if we get to it?"

Rayna looked up at him with a twinkle in her eyes, knowing full well what that look did to him. Exasperated, Deacon shook his head, "Fine, Ray. We'll table it for now. But I hope you understand postponing the conversation isn't going to change how I feel." And with that, a temporary truce was called.

The appointment for Rayna to have blood drawn had been quick and easy. Now all there was for her to do was wait for the results. In the meantime, it was business as usual. Meetings with various writers and producers seemed to consume Rayna's days at Highway 65. Truth be told, she was becoming more and more overwhelmed because it left absolutely no time in her schedule for her to wade through the colossal number of demos of new artists she had stacked up on her desk. Unfortunately, because of this, she had not been able to sign any other new artists, which is something that she desperately needed to do. The label was doing well, but if she really wanted it to thrive, additional artists were a must. Bucky had suggested hiring someone to listen to the demos for her in order to weed out the ones that were definite negatives. The problem with Bucky's solution was that Rayna didn't trust anyone else's musical judgment besides her own. How would some person come in and be able to tell Rayna what she would or wouldn't like? She knew exactly what sound she was looking for, but trusting someone else to find it just seemed ludicrous. There was only one other person in the world she trusted to truly know and understand her musical preferences and what she wanted to accomplish at Highway 65 … That was Deacon! Now, that was an idea she hadn't thought of before, but Deacon was so damned proud, he would probably think she was offering him work out of pity. He had been writing, but actually playing out himself and doing session work had all but stopped completely. He just got tired so easily, and the "bad" days had increased drastically recently. Thinking about it, she knew this could be the perfect solution for both she and Deacon. It would give him the opportunity to continue being active in the musical world, and in return, she trusted his musical instincts more than anyone else's, including her own at times. It may be a long shot, but Rayna decided to at least discuss it with him and hopefully he would see what she saw in the prospect of her proposed working partnership.

Teddy had already picked up Maddie and Daphne from Deacon's when she had finally finished with her meetings for the day, so Deacon's house was abnormally quiet when she got there. The only sound was the comforting strum of Deacon's Martin. Not only was it a beautiful melody, but the fact he was playing almost made Rayna's heart burst. He hadn't been playing much lately, and when he did, it was to show Maddie how to play something that was particularly complicated or difficult for her. Following the sweet sound, Rayna quietly made her way to the doorway of Deacon's bedroom. She stood there watching Deacon who was completely lost in the music. He would play and stop every few minutes to write down lyrics he was working on into the leather notebook that was never far from him. That notebook held so many memories, some of which were good but many of which were firmly rooted in Deacon's past demons. Rayna knew many of those demons were directly related to her and the decisions she had made that had affected him over the years.

Watching him now took her back to when it was just the two of them and the music, before addiction consumed them, before she married someone else and before he found out she had lied to him about Maddie. She missed those days, when it was them against the world. They had been each other's biggest supporters then, and despite everything that had happened throughout the years, they still were. That had to mean something, didn't it? They shared a bond that while bent at times remained unbroken. It was a gift they both had been careless with at times, but she truly believed they had finally moved past those past mistakes and were committed to holding on to the love that neither of them had ever really been able to let go of.

Lost in her thoughts, Rayna didn't notice Deacon had stopped playing and was staring at her. "Ray … Ray …," Deacon called. When he got her attention, he continued. "What are you thinking about, Ray? Must be something pretty good … You looked like you were a million miles away."

Smiling, Rayna admitted, "You. I was thinking about you and how lucky I am to still have you in my life after all these years."

Deacon held his hand out for Rayna to take as she made her way towards him. "I think I'm the lucky one, Rayna. I've never really deserved you," he said without the self-loathing that used to accompany these same words, but more of as something factual. It was disheartening to Rayna to know he still felt that way. She had hoped his perception of their relationship had moved beyond that misconception.

Rayna held his hand in hers as she sat next to him and his chaotic arrangement of sheet music. Shaking her head, she said, "Oh Deacon, I so wish you could see yourself the way I see you … the way so many others see you. Because if you did, you would know how fortunate each and every one of us feel to have you in our lives. You inspire me every day. You have faced things in your life that most of us never even dream of in our nightmares. Things that would demolish anyone else. But not you. You've struggled, but you always make it through to the other side. Bruised and battered, but never defeated. You may think that you're the lucky one, but the truth is, I've been much less deserving of your love and loyalty than the other way around." By now Rayna's tears were flowing. "You've been the one person in my life I could always count on, even when I didn't deserve your loyalty. Let's be honest, you've loved me when I was pretty much unlovable. I certainly didn't treat you very well this past year, but here you are, still looking at me with eyes filled with love and respect. I'll be forever grateful for being loved by you."

Sensing the protest that was sure to come, Rayna continued, "Look how people have rallied around you and for you. Nurse Nora told me they have never seen so many volunteers wanting to be tested as donors. Whether you realize it or not, you have been such an influence and mentor for so many in this town. You're a good man Deacon, and I count my lucky stars God gave me you."

Not knowing what to say, Deacon did the only thing he could to show Rayna how much her words meant to him. He leaned forward to kiss her, first her forehead before placing a feathery kiss on her nose. Before touching his lips to hers, he pulled back just enough for their eyes to meet and said in barely a whisper, "I love you, Ray." The kiss that followed was so deliberately sweet and slow, Rayna found herself resisting the urge to cry. This was home, and they both knew it. There would be no more denying it from either one of them.

Deacon traced the outline of Rayna's cheek before deepening the kiss. The sense of urgency that had been there the last few times they made love was gone. Deacon wanted to take his time and enjoy every inch of her. He trailed kisses from her neck to her ear, taking her lobe in his mouth after reaching his destination. Deacon smiled as Rayna's breath caught and a low moan escaped. She reached for him and pulled his mouth back to hers, moving her hands to the buttons of denim shirt, releasing them one at a time. Once the last button was free, Rayna slowly pushed his shirt off his shoulders as Deacon started working to rid her of her blouse as well. Impatient to feel her bare skin against his own, Deacon lifted the shirt over her head and wasted no time discarding the rest of their clothing. With nothing between them, he rolled her onto her back so his body was covering hers and slid his hand down her body. Rayna drew in a ragged breath when his fingers reached their mark and he pushed two fingers inside of her. As his fingers moved, her hands traveled down his body, one gliding over his ass while the other stroked the length of him, earning a deep guttural groan from Deacon. Her hand matched his fingers for speed, and when they were both so close to falling over the edge, Deacon removed his fingers and pinned her hands above her head before entering her in one languid movement. He watched as her eyes fluttered shut, loving what he could do to her. He rocked into her slowly at first but increased speed as her moans became louder and more urgent. Deacon was taken by surprise when Rayna's hips met him thrust for thrust. Deacon felt like he was on fire as she started to pulse around him. "Oh God, Deacon …" Rayna shouted. That's all it took to send him and her over the edge as he emptied himself into her.

Their hearts raced as they lay there, still joined. Beads of sweat lingered on their foreheads. When Deacon pulled out of her, Rayna immediately felt the void his absence left. He rolled to his back taking her with him, bodies still entwined. Once their breathing had somewhat regulated, Rayna propped her head on his chest and their eyes connected. With fresh tears in her eyes, Rayna whispered her greatest fear. "I can't lose you! Not now! I love you so much." At a loss for words for the second time since she had walked through the door, Deacon pulled her tightly against him and held her with everything he had in him. "I know, baby." And they both let their tears fall, knowing the harsh reality was all too close.

She must have fallen asleep at some point because when she woke, she was practically laying on top of Deacon who was watching the news. Still groggy, she lifted her head to look at him, "Hey babe … what time is it?"

Smiling down at her, Deacon answered, "Around 10:30 or so … You've been out like a light, woman! Slept right through dinner time." On cue, Deacon's belly rumbled.

Rayna laughed, "We better feed you then …" She was interrupted when Deacon covered her mouth with his own. As good as it felt and as much as she would have loved to get lost in the moment, Rayna wanted to make sure Deacon was eating properly, which meant no skipping meals. A proper diet was one of the most important things according to Dr. Marsh in order to limit the progression and severity of his symptoms, so as delicious as his mouth was on hers, they needed to take care of dinner first. Rayna reluctantly pulled back, "Whoa cowboy! What's gotten into you?" Deacon just smirked and shrugged his shoulders. Laughing, Rayna said, "Hold that thought, babe. But right now, we're gonna get you something to eat."

Deacon raised his eyebrow at her and responded, "Oh, I can assure you, Ray, I have every intention of eating … " With that, he trailed his hand down her body, finally cupping her breast, rolling his thumb over her nipple. He could see her weakening and just as she was about to give in, Deacon dropped his hand, leaving her aching for his touch. He playfully pecked her on the mouth and said, "You're right, Ray. We should eat. I'm starving!" And then he winked at her before getting out of bed and reaching for his pants.

Mouth hanging wide open, Rayna couldn't believe he had just played her. "Oh my God, Deacon Claybourne … I can't even believe you just did that! You are such an ass!"

He definitely thought himself to be hilarious judging from the grin on his face, so Rayna decided two could play that game. She got out of their bed and sashayed over to him, stopping close enough to him that he could feel her breath on his neck. Leaning forward so that her mouth was next to his ear, "Just remember, darling, paybacks are a bitch!" Before she turned to walk into the bathroom, she cupped him through his sweatpants, giving him a squeeze. The smirk Deacon had been wearing so proudly quickly disappeared. With one last squeeze and a kiss to his cheek, Rayna turned and walked away. Pleased with herself for the time being, she knew that sooner or later, she would pay for that, and she couldn't wait!

As they ate, Rayna decided it would be a good time to talk to Deacon about the demos.

"I have something I want to run by you, babe."

Curiosity peaked, Deacon asked, "What's going on, Ray?"

"Well, you know how busy I've been with the label. I mean, it's great but there's so much that comes with running a label that not much time is left for other stuff. I have a stack of demos on my desk that have been there for weeks, but I just haven't had the time to listen to them. And if I don't listen to them, I can't find more artists for the label. Bucky suggested I hire someone to listen to them for me and weed out the definite no's. In theory, I know it's a good idea, but you know how I am … I need to have control. How is some stranger going to be able to find the sound I'm looking for?" Rayna paused for Deacon's reaction.

Shaking his head, he said, "I don't know, Ray. Sounds like you need some help, but it would be pretty tough to trust someone else with something that important. Especially with being the control freak you are …"

"Ha Ha, very funny! Anyway, I've been thinking about it and I think I've come up with a way to make Bucky's idea work. It would have to be someone who really knows me and someone I trust completely. There's only one person in this world I trust like that …" Rayna watched as the light bulb went off in Deacon's head.

"You want me to do it, right?" Deacon asked.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I really don't trust anyone else to do it. You know more about my music than I do sometimes. Hell, you and I made most of it together. You get me – If something sucks, you'll tell me it sucks. That's what I need. Please Deacon, will you at least consider working for Highway 65?" Rayna let him process what she was asking.

Deacon wasn't totally surprised at her request. He knew Rayna was becoming more and more overwhelmed with the responsibilities of label head plus everything else that went with having a new company. He didn't want her to be offering him employment out of pity. He hadn't been doing a lot musically as of late, with the exception of some writing. The truth was, he didn't really need to work if he didn't want to. He had plenty of money in savings, but he did have to admit he was getting a little bored staring at the same walls every day. And she was right … he did know her and her music better than anyone. This would be a way for him to help her, and not to mention, it would be fun. Having the chance to help struggling new artists get their music heard would be incredibly gratifying. It would be good for all of them.

"Ok Ray, I'll do it. Why not?"

Rayna's face nearly split from the grin she gave him before launching herself at him. She rained kisses all over his face. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Standing up, he tossed Rayna over his shoulder and said, "I can think of a few ways for you to thank me … Time for paybacks, baby!" She giggled as Deacon made his way back to the bedroom where they spent the rest of the night making each other scream for mercy. He figured there was a good chance he wouldn't be able to do this for much longer, so he was going to enjoy it while he could.

Deacon was already up, showered and drinking coffee when Rayna made her way to the kitchen. She noticed his pill bottles lined up on the table as Deacon got his morning doses out to take with breakfast. It was still so surreal to see him on a regimen of medication. He was the strongest man she had ever known, and watching him like this broke her heart. There were so many things in this world that just weren't fair, and Deacon being sick ranked right at the top in her book.

"Morning, babe. You're up early."

Deacon looked like he had been caught red handed with his hand in the cookie jar. She knew it was hard for him that she had to witness him dealing with his medicines and the day to day parts of his illness. "Couldn't sleep, so thought I might as well get the day started." Walking over to Rayna and circling her waist, he said, "How are you this fine morning?"

Making a face at him, she chuckled. "Well, to honest … sore!"

Deacon laughed and dropped a kiss to her nose. "Me too! Guess we're getting a little old for those antics."

"Ha … no way! Speak for yourself, old man! I'm just out of practice, but it's all coming back to me," she said as she cuddled into his chest. They stood like that for another few minutes when her phone rang.

Grabbing it out of her purse, Rayna answered. "Hello. This is Rayna Jaymes."

It was Dr. Marsh's office. "Ms. Jaymes, the results from your blood test are in. We put a rush on it like you requested."

Rayna's patience was waning. "Ok, so what are the results?" She glanced at Deacon who was completely engrossed in his newspaper, probably assuming the call was work related.

"The test showed that your blood type is a match for Mr. Claybourne's."

Rayna's knees nearly gave out. "So what next? What do I need to do?"

"If you still want to move forward, the next step is the crossmatching test …"

Interrupting the assistant, Rayna blurted out, "Yes, of course, I want to move forward." Rayna paused to walk into the living room where Deacon wouldn't hear her. "If it is fine with Dr. Marsh though, can we not say anything about it until after the testing is complete?"

"Uh, sure, Ms. Jaymes. That's not a problem. But we will be contacting Mr. Claybourne about the first batch of potential donor tests that were done."

"Great. Thank you so much!"

Rayna walked back to the kitchen and excused herself to go and get a shower. Turning the shower on full force, she barely made it inside before the sobs overtook her. Just hearing that there was a possibility, no matter how remote, that she could be a match for Deacon, was overwhelming. Was it really possible? Could she really help save his life? Save their family? Rayna certainly wasn't any stranger to prayer, but this one felt different. She typically gave thanks for her blessings, but this time she prayed for the opportunity for be there for Deacon when it counted more than ever before. She asked God to ensure that for this one time, when it meant everything, that she wouldn't let Deacon down.

When she finally made it back into the kitchen, Deacon was leaning against the counter obviously lost in thought. "Watcha doin, babe?" Rayna asked.

"Oh, hey. Nothing. Just thinkin."

"What are you thinking about?"

Deacon shrugged and let out the breath he had been holding. "Dr. Marsh's office called. There's no matches from the first group that were tested."

She knew he was trying not to let his disappointment show, but Rayna knew. She saw it in the lines of his face and the way his shoulders slumped forward. "I know it's frustrating, babe, but don't lose hope. This is going to happen. I know it is. You're not going anywhere." Rayna drew him in close enough so she could hear his heart beat through his shirt.

As Deacon stood there holding the only woman he had ever loved, he made a vow to himself. No matter how bleak things seemed or how bad his illness got, he wouldn't give up. He would fight until his last breath, because this life and this woman were worth fighting for. He had everything to live for, absolutely everything.


	11. Chapter 11

**Please review….I love reading your opinions!**

**Chapter 11**

Rayna picked at a piece of lint on her black pants as she anxiously waited for Dr. Marsh. It had only been a few days since she had received the call from his office saying that her blood type was a match for Deacon's. Today she would find out the results of the Crossmatching test that had been done. She knew in the back of her mind that it wasn't a good idea to get too hopeful. After all, Scarlett's blood type had been a match too, but further testing had shown that Deacon had antibodies which would cause his immune system to react against an organ donated from her. She, Scarlett and the girls had their hopes so high, so it had been devastating to all of them when the results came back. Rayna wanted to be realistic about the probability of her being the one who would be a match. Really, when she thought about it, she had to almost laugh. The whole idea was something out of _Days of Our Lives_. Of course, it felt, embarrassingly accurate, that her life in general for the last several years was something straight out of a soap opera. But if it meant she could keep him with her to grow old and gray with, she'd gladly accept the soap opera stigma.

Rayna was startled out of her thoughts when the door opened and Dr. Marsh walked in. "Good morning, Ms. Jaymes."

"Call me Rayna, please."

With a kind smile, Dr. Marsh said, "Ok…It's good to see you, Rayna."

"How's Deacon feeling? How are his symptoms?" Dr. Marsh asked.

Rayna's smile faded as she responded. "I don't know…Deacon doesn't want to worry us, so he keeps a lot of it to himself. But I can see the exhaustion in his face. And he's been a little more irritable than he usually is. He tries so hard to keep it in check, but I know his mind is on overload. Trying to be strong for everyone else when I know his heart is breaking…It's so hard to watch." Rayna wiped at her eyes. She didn't mean to get upset, but sometimes it just felt like too much, and she wouldn't burden Deacon with her emotional outbursts. He had enough to deal with.

Dr. Marsh handed Rayna a tissue and waited while she composed herself. "I know it's hard for you and Deacon's family to watch someone you love have to deal with the things he is handling right now. But you need to share your feelings with him. Talk to him, Rayna. You don't have to pretend everything is fine, because quite frankly, it's not. If you're pretending that there's nothing wrong, it's inevitably going to make Deacon feel afraid, even ashamed, to show his fear. And that fear is real and warranted, Rayna – from all of you. It may be easier to turn away from it, but the truth is, Deacon needs to be able to process his fears and so do you. Your family is facing a very difficult reality right now. This could realistically go either way at the moment, and your family needs to be able to deal with that … together. You can't do that if you're hiding from it." Dr. Marsh paused as Rayna cried harder. "I'm sorry, Rayna. I truly don't mean to be harsh or to crush your hope, because you do have hope. I promise you that! It's just that I've seen families so many times that put their fears away into a box that they hide away and by the time they bring it out, they don't have the time to learn how to face a harsh outcome together. It leaves so many things undone and words unsaid. I don't want to see that happen with you and Deacon."

Rayna looked up at the doctor when he finished and sniffed. "You're absolutely right. I don't want Deacon to feel like he can't share that part of himself with me. I promised myself I would do right by him this time. Thanks for caring about Deacon, Dr. Marsh. I appreciate that more than you will ever know."

The smile returned to the doctor's face. "How about we discuss your results now?"

Nerves rising instantaneously, Rayna replied, "Yes, please. It's all I've been able to think about."

Thumbing through the file he had brought in with him, he started. "Your Crossmatch test is negative, Rayna."

Hearing the word negative made her stiffen immediately. "Oh … Does that mean I can't be his donor?" she asked with fresh tears in her eyes.

"Actually, no. Negative is a good thing in this case."

Rayna jerked her head up. "What? … What are you saying? Don't mess with me! Are you telling me I am a match? That I can be his donor?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. If, of course, all other assessments are completed satisfactorily."

"What kind of assessments? What do I have to do?"

"The first thing is a complete physical exam to determine your general health. For example, you'll need to have a Chest x-ray, electrocardiogram, a few more blood tests, urine tests, and because you are a woman, a gynecological exam, pregnancy test and mammogram. The purpose of these additional tests is to make sure you don't have any health conditions that would rule you out as a donor. Then, after a general assessment of your overall health, there's more testing that will focus on the integrity of your liver. One of those procedures is considerably more invasive than any other test that has been performed and the other is a CT scan."

"So this is the home stretch? If everything checks out normally, then this could be it? That's what you're telling me, Dr. Marsh?"

"Yes, assuming all tests are normal. And Deacon also has to agree to accept you as his donor." Noticing the sudden pained expression on Rayna's face, Dr. Marsh asked, "Do you think that will be a problem? I know he was pretty against you or Scarlett even getting tested to begin with."

"Honestly, yes, it's going to be a problem. Deacon is a stubborn man!" Pausing in thought before continuing, Rayna added, "I'd like to get through the general health tests before I talk to Deacon about it."

"If that's how you wish to handle it, then we will get those out of the way first."

Before leaving Dr. Marsh's office, her tests were scheduled for that week. She knew getting too hopeful would make the disappointment even worse if she ended up not being able to be Deacon's donor, but Rayna just couldn't help it. Her steps felt lighter and her worry a little less, when she walked through the parking lot to her Escalade. Maybe, just maybe, it would work out in Deacon's favor this time. Lord knows, he deserved it.

Deacon had been holed up in one of the back offices at Highway 65 listening to demos for hours. Working was one of the few things that still managed to give him a little reprieve from being, what felt more and more every day, an invalid. But today was worse than others. He just couldn't focus on anything. It had taken him an hour and a half to get through three demos, all of which he hated. If he was honest, the sour mood he was in probably influenced his dislike for the new music, so he decided it would be best for him and the budding artists whose future were in his hands, to quit for the day.

Deacon may have decided to shelve the remainder demos for the day, but he sure as hell wasn't in the mood to join the land of the living outside his office door. Instead, he replayed the last several days in his mind. He and Rayna had been at each other's throats. Truth be told, it was him who had been at her throat. He knew he had been unreasonable, but he couldn't help it. He just felt so incredibly irritable. The exhaustion that seemed to be consuming him was the result of multiple nights of not sleeping well. Between his mind continuously racing with worry about the future and his skin feeling like it was on fire from scratching so much, he was sure he was losing it. What the hell was going on with his skin, he had no clue, but he hadn't itched this bad since having chicken pox when he was a young kid. Taking his frustrations out on Rayna was the absolute last thing he should have been doing, which was counting his blessings that Rayna hadn't walked out on his sorry ass for being such a bastard. He had read the information Dr. Marsh had given him on cirrhosis, so he knew what it all meant. The symptoms he was experiencing more and more often were indicating advancement of the disease. There were other indications too. His skin and the whites of his eyes were developing a yellow tint. It had become a little frightening if he was honest with himself. Sometimes it felt like he was standing outside himself watching the changes in his body from the disease. He saw himself getting weaker and sicker, and it scared the hell out of him. Denial was easier, but it was becoming considerably more difficult to deny the truth. And the truth was, his days were numbered, and the number was getting smaller every day. There were so many things he still wanted to do … Deacon wasn't ready to leave this life.

Lost in thought, he didn't hear the door open. "Babe … Hey babe!" Rayna called. Deacon jumped. "Sorry babe, didn't mean to startle you. You almost finished for the day?"

As if really seeing her for the first time in what felt like forever, Deacon stared at her with blue eyes filled with all the emotion he had been guarding and concealing so carefully. Standing and with long purposeful strides, Deacon crossed the room. Stopping directly in front of her, Deacon gathered Rayna in his arms, holding her so tightly, her breath caught in her throat. "I love you, Ray."

Rayna could hear the tears in his voice. "I know you do, babe. I love you too," she responded tightening her hold around Deacon's waist.

Pulling back just enough to look in her eyes, Deacon said, "I'm sorry for being such a jerk and being so difficult. I've been frustrated and I've taken it out on you. I'm just so damn sorry, Ray."

The look on his face broke Rayna's heart. He looked completely overwhelmed with guilt. Lacing her fingers with his, Rayna said, "Deacon … Deacon, look at me! … You don't have anything to apologize for. You have every right in this world to be frustrated, or even angry. Everything about this situation fucking sucks. You don't deserve any of this, but no matter what, I love you. I'm here for you, anyway you need me to be. And if that means dealing with you being a little grumpy sometimes, I'm fine with that." Rayna paused, giving him a sweet smile. "Because you know what? … Every time you grumble, every time you fuss at me about something … it's one more moment I get with you." Now on the verge of tears, she continued, "And right now, Deacon, I will take every damn moment I can get with you, regardless of what those moments consist of. I thank God for every single one of them."

Wiping the tears that had escaped with the pads of his thumbs, Deacon pulled Rayna to him and buried his face in her hair. He loved the smell of her hair. It smelled like home, comforting and familiar. He knew holding what he was feeling back from her was unnecessary. They were a team … they always had been. Hiding from her was like hiding from himself, and he couldn't do that anymore. So at barely a whisper, Deacon admitted, "I don't want to die, Ray."

Her heart breaking, Rayna held this man she had loved almost her whole life. "I know, baby … I'm not going to let you die. I promise."

Deacon didn't know where it came from, but the confidence in Rayna's voice enveloped him. He believed her. Standing there in her arms, he felt more at peace and hopeful than he had since before his diagnosis.

Rayna had picked the girls up from school and brought them home to pack for their weekend with Teddy. Of course, both Maddie and Daphne were reluctant to spend any time away from Deacon these days, but he had assured them he was fine for a few days and they could call every night. Rayna really was so proud of both girls. They rarely argued anymore and always did what they could around their house, as well as Deacon's, to try and help make things run as smoothly as possible. Maddie and Daphne had been blindsided with Deacon being sick, but both had quickly accepted their responsibilities within their family. She sure was a lucky Momma.

The girls were upstairs packing their bags when Teddy came in. "Hey, the girls aren't ready yet. Shouldn't be much longer though."

"It's no problem. I'm a little early anyway," Teddy said. They were making small talk about an upcoming field trip Daphne's class was taking when Rayna's cell phone rang.

Looking at the number displayed on her phone and recognizing it as Dr. Marsh's office, Rayna excused herself to take the call in the living room. When she came back into the kitchen a few minutes later, Teddy could tell Rayna was anxious.

Even though he knew it wasn't really his business anymore, Teddy couldn't help but ask, "Everything okay, Rayna?"

Rayna thought for a moment before answering, realizing she hadn't really considered how Teddy would feel about her being a donor for Deacon. After all, if something happened to her, he would be the one who would have to deal with the consequence and pick up the pieces.

"That was Deacon's Doctor's office wanting me to come in," Rayna offered.

Teddy looked confused. "Why just you?"

"Well, they want to discuss test results … my test results." Rayna watched as understanding flooded his face before continuing. "I'm going through the testing process to see if I can be a donor for Deacon."

Nodding, Teddy said, "Honestly Rayna, I'm surprised you weren't tested before now. I would've thought you would have been first in line."

"I wanted to, but Deacon has been adamant from the beginning he didn't want me to get tested. To be honest, Teddy, the only test he knows I've had done is checking for blood types, but he doesn't even know our blood types are a match."

Teddy interrupted, "What about other tests? I'm assuming there's other testing."

"Of course. Our Crossmatching test showed we're compatible, and I am waiting for the results of the general health tests. If everything is good with those, there's just a test or two more for me to be cleared as his donor. That's what the call was about, discussing the results."

"It all sounds promising, Rayna … So why do you look like you're about to jump out of your own skin?"

"It's just complicated. Deacon doesn't want me to risk being a donor, and there's the girls. Chances are everything would be fine, but the possibility of something happening to me is there. So there are a lot of people that could potentially be affected, including you …"

Teddy saw the questions in her eyes as she finished. "You know, Rayna, I do understand why Deacon feels the way he does, but the truth is, when it's all said and done, I don't really think you have any other choice. I don't think Deacon does either. The two of you … neither one of you is capable of being happy without the other. But if you're asking if I am okay with raising Maddie and Daphne without you, the answer is yes. Of course, I'd rather not have to, but I would and I can. The thing is, Rayna, you and Deacon are supposed to be together. I can see that now. I spent years in denial about that, but being on the outside this time, I can see what I was blind to for so long. Where you end, Deacon begins. You don't have the ability to walk away from each other. Don't get me wrong, it was a damn hard lesson to learn. The two of you have a habit of unintentionally destroying everything in your paths at times, but what's between you and him is a force of its' own. So you do what you need to, and I'll be here for our daughters no matter what happens."

Listening to Teddy's admission and acceptance brought tears to Rayna's eyes, but before she could say anything, the girls came running down the stairs. After hugs and kisses from the girls, Rayna and Teddy shared a knowing look. She whispered a sincere "Thank you" as the three of them walked out the door. It had felt good confiding in Teddy. Maybe they had had finally gotten to a place where they could be friends again.

The following Monday morning, Rayna found herself once again waiting for Dr. Marsh. Her nerves were shot. She knew if these test results had come back clean, she was one step closer to potentially saving the life of the man she had loved for what seemed like forever. She had felt so guilty lying to him that morning about why she wanted to drive to the office separately. There was nothing quite like the mention of the "lady doctor," as Deacon called the gynecologist, to make a man hightail it in the opposite direction. Chuckling from the image still in her head of Deacon's red face and pathetic excuses for needing to get to the office early after she had told him he was welcome to go to the "lady doctor" with her, Rayna didn't even notice Dr. Marsh had walked into the room until he was standing right in front of her.

"Good morning, Rayna," said Dr. Marsh as he watched her in amusement. "It's good to see you smiling."

Still laughing, Rayna responded. "Just thinking about the, um …" Rayna paused, not sure if it was totally appropriate to tell the good doctor too many details. " … um … creative story I had to tell Deacon this morning to get here. Let's just say it involved a certain type of doctor's appointment reserved only for women."

"Well, I bet that was effective," he laughed. "Certainly would have worked for me." He let out a loud cackle before opening Rayna's file. That was probably the thing she liked most about the doctor. Even though he held the lives of the patients he treated literally in his hands day in and day out, he didn't take himself too seriously.

Putting his serious face on, Dr. Marsh started. "We probably could have done this over the phone, but I like to see patients face to face with any type of test results. Then if there are any questions, you can ask at that moment."

Rayna shook her head in understanding before he continued. "Your Chest x-ray, electrocardiogram, blood tests, urine tests and gynecological tests all came back normal. There's no heart, renal or liver abnormalities. You tested negative for Hepatitis B & C and for HIV. Your psychiatric evaluation was good … This is great news, Rayna." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Deacon is lucky to have you."

Relief washing through her entire body, she asked, "So what's next? We're almost there, aren't we?"

"Yes, we sure are. There are two more tests to check the integrity of your liver before you are considered a viable donor. There's a test done to identify the blood vessels of the liver called a Hepatic Angiogram. This procedure is done in the hospital and is somewhat invasive because a dye is injected into an actual artery and then x-rays are taken to determine the mapping of your liver's blood vessels. The other test is a CT scan, which is a more sophisticated x-ray. This is not as invasive because a dye is injected into your vein. It measures output and makes blood vessels easier to identify because of the contrast the dye creates. You lie flat and move through a donut shaped machine that generates a three-dimensional image of your liver and surrounding anatomy. Using the information from these tests is how we determine the anatomy of your liver and which lobe will be the best for donation. Now Rayna, these are tests you're going to need to have someone with you for. What are your plans for telling Deacon? I mean, we're getting into the home stretch now, maybe it's time to have that discussion if you're still determined to finish the testing process."

Rayna knew he was right. She needed to talk to Deacon about all of it, but she was so incredibly afraid he was going to deny her as his donor. Looking at Dr. Marsh, she confessed, "The truth is … Deacon isn't on board with any of this. I just … just don't know how to make him understand." Rayna's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I know it's difficult Rayna, but Deacon's fears and concerns are understandable. For someone like him who has spent a lifetime blaming himself, whether deserving or not, it's nearly impossible to ask for help. Especially the person he loves the most." Dr. Marsh gave Rayna a sad smile and said, "Even before Deacon becoming my patient, I knew who he was. I've been a fan of country music my whole life, so I knew the Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne love story. And if I ever doubted it, the moment you walked into this office with him, I knew it was all true. Rayna, you are the center of his world, you and your daughters. And that's probably the scariest thing for him – He doesn't want to be the reason your children lose their mother if something were to go wrong."

Thinking about what Dr. Marsh had said, Rayna responded. "I do understand how Deacon feels, but I can't let fear of the unknown prevent me from fighting to save our future. Deacon is my future."

Standing to leave, Rayna extended her hand to shake Dr. Marsh's, but to her surprise, he held her hand in both of his and said, "Deacon is very fortunate to have someone who loves him so much and is willing to fight for him."

Rayna smiled and squared her shoulders with determination written all over her face. "I'm the lucky one, and Deacon is worth fighting for."

The doctor's eyes trailed her as Rayna exited the room, and then he did something that was rare and almost unnatural for him. He believed in science as a rule, but in that moment, he asked God to give Deacon the ability to accept the help Rayna wanted to give.


	12. Chapter 12

**NOTE: **_Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this story & to those of you who have reviewed, I have appreciated each & every one. Please continue to let me know what you think._

**Chapter 12**

Deacon came home to Rayna's that night not knowing what to expect. He hadn't spoken to her since before he left for the office and she left for her doctor's appointment. Bucky had told him earlier in the day that Rayna had called and said she had a headache and was going home. It was a surprise to see her in the kitchen cooking dinner, and it was quiet. The whole house was silent.

"Hey Ray."

Startled, she jumped and put her hand over her heart. Laughing, she said, "Good grief, babe. You scared the heck out of me."

Deacon walked around the island and put his arms around her waist. "I was worried about you when you didn't come in to the office. How's your headache?"

"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't mean to worry you. It's much better." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on his lips. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too, Ray." Looking around, Deacon asked, "Where are the girls? It's too quiet for them to be here."

Rayna smiled. "They're with Tandy. She wanted to spend some time with them."

Pulling out of Deacon's arms, Rayna went back to the task of chopping vegetables for their salads. She wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, but something just felt off to Deacon with the way she was acting. Rayna smiled when she felt his eyes on her, but she was uncharacteristically quiet.

Deciding it was silly to try and guess what was going on, Deacon asked, "Is something on your mind, Ray? You seem a little off."

Rayna should have known he would know something was up. He always did. Taking a moment to collect her thoughts, she looked up at Deacon and said, "I really did miss you today. But you're right, there is something I want to talk to you about, but first, I really just want to have a nice dinner and enjoy your company. Then we can talk. Is that ok?"

She could see the worry etched into the lines around his eyes, but was relieved when he dropped it for the time being. "Ok Ray, let's eat first." He leaned over and kissed her nose before getting out plates and silverware to set the table.

Dinner was much more enjoyable than either of them had thought it would be considering the conversation that would follow. Even though Deacon didn't know exactly what Rayna wanted to discuss, he knew it had to be something significant for Rayna to be so nervous.

Their dinner conversation focused primarily on the girls and Highway 65. Deacon was telling her about a new group whose demo he had listened to that day. Rayna loved it when he was like this. His enthusiasm was contagious. "They really have something, Ray. I think we need to bring them in, meet them, and then go from there. You can get a chance to hear them then."

Rayna watched Deacon as he talked, watching the way the corners of his mouth curved up when he smiled. His eyes danced in anticipation as he waited for her thoughts. "I can't wait to hear them. But honestly, I trust your judgment. If you really think they're good, then they must really be something special. Call them in for next week."

He wasn't sure why it hit him the way it did, but hearing Rayna tell him that she trusted him to make a decision as big as signing an artist to her label, gave him such a strong sense of pride and accomplishment. He loved every bit of this. Making and developing new music together was what they were born to do.

She was staring at him as he lost himself in his thoughts. The way the muscles in his face twitched when he smiled at whatever it was he was thinking about, was so endearing to Rayna. She couldn't help herself. She leaned over the table and placed a light kiss on his lips.

Surprised, Deacon asked, "What was that for?"

"Nothing, just felt like it," replied Rayna. She had one hand propping her chin up and with the other she traced the outline of his jaw. His eyes drifted shut as she memorized his face with the tips of her fingers. God, he was a handsome man, she thought to herself. When she rolled her thumb over Deacon's lips, his eyes fluttered open. The look in his eyes set a fire within Rayna. She knew they needed to talk, but right then, all she wanted was his hands on her. She tangled her hands into his dark hair before putting her lips on his. That's all it took. Before he knew what was happening, Rayna was straddling him as he sat in a dining room chair. She sucked at his bottom lip before he pulled her hair back, making her neck more accessible. He ran his tongue over the creamy canvas, nipping at just the right spots to encourage her moans. Her control was fading fast. The need to feel his bare skin was fierce, so she yanked his shirt open, buttons went flying. Dipping her head, she began her exploration of his chest with her mouth.

With his own sense of urgency, Deacon pulled Rayna's shirt over her head and released her from the confines of her bra in seconds. Groaning deep in his throat, he closed his mouth over one of her soft mounds, biting and sucking. The skirt she had on made for easy access. Running his hands up her legs, he gave her ass a squeeze before reaching between her legs and rubbing her own wetness against her. Rayna threw her head back, "Uhh, Deacon, hmmm … " She was practically purring when he surprised her by pushing her panties to the side and sliding a finger inside of her. Rayna rocked against him as he continued to stroke her. Watching the pleasure on her face turned him on so much. He knew she was close, so when she stopped moving and stepped back from him, his confusion was evident. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked.

Rather than answering him, she continued to look him in the eye as she dropped to her knees and started working on his belt. It didn't take long for her to free him. She ran her hand down his length before taking him in her mouth. "Oh my God, Rayna!," Deacon panted. Feeling her hot mouth on his sensitive flesh was almost more than he could handle, but before he lost all control, she stood up, leaving him aching for more. He watched her step out of her panties before taking hold of him and guiding him inside her. All coherent thought was lost for both of them. Rayna moved above him, grinding her hips into his as he thrust into her.

"Deacon, please … I'm going to … ahhh," Rayna felt her orgasm flow throughout her entire body. The feeling of her contracting around him drove Deacon over the edge, his orgasm hitting him like a tidal wave.

It was several minutes before their breathing started to even out. She knew it was now or never. Still joined, Rayna leaned back enough to look into Deacon's questioning eyes. Taking a deep breath, Rayna said, "I'm a match, Deacon. There are a couple more tests, but as long as everything is ok with my liver, I can be your donor."

Deacon was completely stunned. He just stared at her for what seemed like forever. His silence made Rayna's nerves stand on end. She didn't want to push him, but she needed him to say something. Putting her hands on both sides of his face, she said, "Deacon … babe, look at me. Say something, please."

It took every ounce of strength he had not to freak out on her, but he knew Rayna only wanted to help him, but her putting her life in danger for him was not going to happen.

When Deacon moved to stand up, Rayna immediately felt the void he had left inside of her. Making himself busy with pulling his jeans back in place and trying to straighten his now almost buttonless shirt gave him a moment to collect his thoughts. Once his clothes were in place, Deacon turned towards Rayna. "No Ray … no, I can't. You can't be my donor, Rayna. I love you for wanting to do this for me, but I can't let you put yourself at risk like that."

He watched as her eyes filled with tears, not knowing what else he could say. Despite the fragility in her features, Rayna's voice was strong and confident. "It isn't just your choice, Deacon. It doesn't just affect you and this isn't me just doing it for you … I want to do this for our daughter. She needs you, Deacon. Maddie loves you … so does Daphne. Those girls need you in their lives. Am I supposed to just let them watch you die? Watch you get so sick that you don't even recognize them? Am I supposed to let them watch you in pain, wasting away to a shell of who you are now? Because that's what you're asking me to do, Deacon!"

Tears of anger, hurt and frustration flowed freely from both of them. "I don't know, Rayna. I don't have the damn answers. All I know is that I cannot let you put yourself in harm's way for me." He was practically screaming now. "I'm not worth it, dammit!" Deacon stunned himself as much as he had Rayna with his last admission.

"Is that really what you think, Deacon? That you aren't worth being saved?"

Deacon just stood in the same spot rooted to the floor, his eyes cast downward.

"Because that's ridiculous, babe. You deserve to have the chance to live out a long life with me and the girls, our family. Everyone has made mistakes, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve second chances."

Deacon smirked at the irony of her words. "Second chance? I'm pretty sure I used up my second chance about twenty chances ago, Ray. I'm a drunk, Rayna. I did this to myself and to you and to Maddie and Daphne. I'm responsible, me and the stupid decisions I made. My weakness is why I'm in this position. All I've ever done to the people I love and that love me is hurt them. I'm not a good man, Rayna. Good men don't leave the kind of collateral damage behind that I have."

Feeling like the air had been knocked out of her, Rayna had had enough. "You stop it right now, Deacon Claybourne … Yes, you screwed up. You made some shitty decisions. I won't argue that. But dammit Deacon, you're so much more than that!" Rayna took a step back and looked at Deacon and the way his shoulders slumped forward. In some ways, it felt like she was seeing him for the first time. She knew that he held himself responsible for much of what had happened in the past, but she didn't think she had realized just how much of a toll that blame had taken on him, both physically and emotionally. It was his stature that told his story physically. The way his broad shoulders rolled forward just a little and the way he stood awkwardly with his thumbs in his pockets gave a glimpse into his lack of confidence. She couldn't believe she had never noticed before, and emotionally, he had always shown a certain amount of self-loathing. It hadn't been as prevalent lately, but what she was now realizing was that just because he wasn't verbally beating himself up, didn't mean he wasn't doing so internally. And every time that she had allowed him to take the blame for something that had happened with them, she had contributed to Deacon's lack of self-worth. My God, she had been so blind.

Moving to stand directly in front of him, she reached down and entwined her hands with his. "Deacon, I want you to listen to me for a minute, ok? You are a good man … probably the best I've ever known. You're loyal, kind, generous and so incredibly supportive. And you're a wonderful father. I'm so sorry for not making sure you know how much you're depended on and how much I appreciate everything you have done for me."

Deacon interrupted, "What I've done for you? Are you kidding? All I've done is make your life harder, Rayna. I've hurt you so many times I lost count."

"Well, Deacon, the same can be said for me. How many times have I broken your heart? A helluva lot! We may have hurt each other, but do you have any idea how much I owe to you? You've given me so much … You gave me music, Deacon. My success is your success. None of it would have happened without you. I would have quit a long time ago if you hadn't been there constantly picking up the pieces that this business kept knocking down. You gave me the courage to fight for what I wanted, for what I thought was true. All because you believed in me … believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. And you gave me the most beautiful gift of my life, our daughter. You, Deacon, you've given me everything. I'm so grateful! I let you down for fourteen years. I'm not going to do it again. This is my choice too!"

Sighing, Deacon gathered her in his arms. When he pulled back, he kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you so much Ray and I appreciate what you want to do for me but I just can't let you be my donor, and that's what I will tell Dr. Marsh."

He started to walk away when Rayna called after him. "I'm having the other two tests done next Monday." He stopped and listened. "One of them is pretty invasive so it has to be done in the hospital. I need someone to be there with me. I sure would like it to be you." When she finished, Deacon walked out of the room, leaving Rayna watching him walk away.

The week had been relatively uneventful. Deacon hadn't mentioned Rayna wanting to be his donor and neither had she. It seemed they were at a stalemate. They had met with the band Deacon had told her about and he was right, of course. They were fantastic. Rayna asked them to join Highway 65 on the spot, with Deacon standing to the side grinning from ear to ear. She could almost forget everything going on around them at that moment. These moments were the ones that felt the most real and truthful because they were all about the music, and the music had always been what had guided them and gave them a true sense of security and home. Some of that guidance would have come in handy right about then. Rayna had tried all week to come up with a way to make Deacon see that allowing her to be his liver donor was the right decision for all of them, but she truly had no idea how to make him understand. He was just so damn stubborn!

Saturday mid-morning was the brunch Rayna and the girls had planned for Juliette as her baby shower. It couldn't really be called a baby shower by definition since there would only be six women in attendance and that included Juliette, Rayna, Maddie and Daphne. The only others that were coming were Emily and Scarlett. Avery's mother and sister had been invited, but hadn't been able to come. Even Tandy couldn't make it because of conference calls she had to deal with for the job she had left. The truth was Juliette didn't exactly have a lot of friends. But the girls had mentioned the idea of doing something for Juliette to her, and Rayna thought every woman should have the opportunity to celebrate the birth of her first child. Planning the brunch had also given Rayna something else to think about besides transplants and donors. The girls were scurrying around putting the finishing touches on the food and decorations when the doorbell rang. It was Scarlett with Emily right behind her. They were pulled into the house by the girls so they wouldn't be seen if Juliette got there.

It wasn't long before Juliette arrived. Rayna let her in, leading her into the kitchen where she was greeted by a boisterous "Surprise!" Juliette stopped and looked at everyone with their silly pacifiers hanging around their necks and diaper pins pinned to their shirts. A slow, wide smile spread across her face. "Oh my goodness. Thank ya'll so much. This is wonderful." Pointing at Maddie and Daphne, she said, "And you two better get over here and give me a big ole hug." The girls ran straight for her, arms wide open. Meeting Rayna's eyes with tear filled eyes of her own, Juliette mouthed a "Thank you" over top of the heads of two of the most special people in the world. Juliette just prayed she would be half the mother to her daughter that Rayna was to hers.

Juliette had just finished opening the gifts that were given to her and her daughter. Everyone had been so thoughtful and generous, but the gift that had brought tears to her eyes had been a CD of original lullabies written and sung by Maddie and Daphne with Deacon backing them with his guitar and harmony. The girls played the first few lullabies on the CD for her and Juliette swore her heart would burst right out of her chest. Her life had changed so much in the last few years, and many of those changes were due in some sort of way to this family – Rayna, Maddie, Daphne and Deacon. Juliette was grateful for each one of them. They were her family now too.

Juliette felt the tension in Rayna the moment she walked into her kitchen. She knew things had been stressful for Rayna. Deacon's disease was progressing every day and she had the girls and Highway 65 to worry about. Truthfully, Juliette didn't know how she handled it all, so when Rayna suddenly excused herself to clean up the kitchen while everyone else was singing and Maddie was playing her guitar, Juliette followed her.

"Hey," Juliette said.

Startled, Rayna jumped at the sound of Juliette's voice. "Oh hey." Putting on her stage smile, Rayna asked, "Having fun?"

"Yeah, I am … Thank you for this, Rayna. This really has meant the world to me."

"I'm just glad you've enjoyed yourself. We can't wait to meet your little girl." Rayna's bottom lip quivered as she tried to smile.

Taking that moment to ask the inevitable, Juliette questioned, "How's Deacon? Has there been any news about a donor?"

Unknowingly, Juliette had just opened a week worth of hidden tears. Rayna let out a muffled sob and the dam broke. The tears just kept flowing. Juliette certainly wasn't used to dealing with situations like this, but her heart broke for the woman standing in front of her that was slowly and painfully watching her soulmate die. Opening her arms to hold Rayna, she cried with Rayna as she clung to Juliette for dear life. What they didn't realize was that they had an audience. Maddie was watching and listening with fresh tears staining her face.

When her sobs began to settle, Rayna pulled back and said, "I'm so sorry, Juliette. This is supposed to be your day, not me crying my eyes out."

"Rayna, stop. You and Deacon and those girls are going through the unimaginable right now. I want to be here for all of you. God knows you and Deacon have been there for me." She paused before asking, "What's going on, Rayna? What's happened to make you so upset?"

Fresh tears threatening to spill over, Rayna answered, "I'm a match. I mean there's two more tests that have to be done just to make sure my liver is healthy, but assuming it is, I'm a match. I could be Deacon's donor, but … He is refusing to let me. So now, not only do I have to sit back and watch the only man I've ever really loved die, but I have to live with the fact that I could have very possibly saved his life. He's going to leave me and I'm going to be alone, because without him, I'm empty … He doesn't want me to risk my life for him because he loves me but also because of the girls. But, what he doesn't get, is that if he dies, a huge part of me will die too. I'll never be the same." Rayna hung her head and quietly cried out what tears she had left while Juliette sat with her, offering the only support she could. Neither of them noticed Maddie as she ran out of her hiding place stifling the sob that desperately wanted to escape.

Scarlett and Daphne jumped up to follow Maddie when she breezed by them running towards her bedroom. Daphne listened as Maddie told Scarlett about what she had overheard. And when Maddie told Scarlett she had a plan to make things more clear to Deacon but needed Scarlett's help to make it happen, Daphne walked over to her sister and put her hand on Maddie's shoulder. Maddie looked at her in surprise when Daphne said, "I want to help you guys. I love Deacon too." Maddie smiled through her tears and leaned on her sister for support, placing her hand on Daphne's hand that rested on her shoulder.

Later that day, Deacon was surprised to see Juliette knocking on his door. Opening the door for her to pass through, Deacon asks, "What are you doing? Thought you had a baby shower thingy today."

"I did … earlier today, which was absolutely lovely by the way. The lullaby CD is beautiful, Deacon. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it," Deacon responded with a hug.

"So how have you been?" Juliette asked.

With a smirk, Deacon answered. "Well, to be honest, I've been better."

Eyeing him, Juliette questioned, "Has there been a donor found yet?"

Deacon lied, "No, not yet."

She just shook her head at him. "I know that's not true, Deacon. Rayna told me she's a match."

"Don't Juliette. Just stop right there. It's not gonna happen. Maddie and Daphne need their momma just like your little girl is going to need you. I can't take that chance with Rayna's life."

"You know, I know you think you're doing the right thing, but dammit Deacon, you're not. What you're doing is just selfish!"

"It's none of your damn business, Juliette," grumbled Deacon.

"The hell it's not Deacon Claybourne. I happen to love the four of you. You, Rayna, Maddie and Daphne are my family, so that makes it my business." Her admission shocked Deacon, but at the same time, he felt a surge of pride for the woman Juliette Barnes had grown into.

"Let me ask you this, Deacon … What if the tables were reversed and Rayna was the one who needed a transplant? What if she didn't want you to be tested as a potential donor? Would you have done it anyway? Of course you would, Deacon, because you love her just like she loves you. What if you found out you were a match for her but she refused to let you be her donor? Instead you had to watch her die, knowing you could have helped her … Could you live with that? Watching the love of your life fade away, getting sicker every day? Would you be able to watch that knowing you could make it better for her? Could you really watch Rayna die under those circumstances? Because that's exactly what you're forcing Rayna to live with. It isn't fair and it's not right, Deacon. Rayna, those girls and Scarlett need you. Get your head out of your ass Claybourne, and take a look at everything you have to live for and fight for it!"

Leaving Deacon planted to the floor, mouth open, Juliette let herself out and walked out to her car, praying she had said and done enough to help him see things from a different perspective.


End file.
